Envy Nibun No Ichi
by dragonnova
Summary: Envy has lost his memory during a fight with Ed... so now Ed and Al are sneaking around HQ with their long lost...SISTER! Being Rewritten
1. Lost Memories

**-Author notes_- New Version! I've rewritten everything right down to the last chapter all my loyal readers have been waiting for! _**This story still hasn't been beta'd at all I'm afraid (I'll be sending it to Obi-Quiet from Deviant Art for that shortly. But Most of you all know this fic has been around since 'Heck was a Pup'... So, well, I don't mind you reading it unbeta'd since you've all been so patient with me). I really do hesitate to post it even now, though. I feel I need to stress this fact, this was originally written **way ba** when the** first FMA series **was being released. So try to keep Brotherhood and the manga out of your head while you read this (as hard as that will be since that SO ROCKS SOCKS...) Another thing you need to know is I've been trying to close up the plot bunny holes. After running into a brick wall with the end of this fic I had tossed it aside, felt guilty over it, and let it hang over me like an old dead goose. But thanks to Obi-Quiet, and the Brotherhood anime I've been able to fix it up, and really I love it now. It still follows the old series, but it's much better than it was. Please pardon any odd things like missing puncutaion and such, my program is crapping out on me (hence the reason I need Obi-Quiet)-**End of Notes-**

_Envy traps Ed in an old abandoned Lab. But things go south when the building crumbles and a certain palm tree-like homonculus loses his memories. In this first chapter we discover the Elric brothers have... a sister... with a curse..._

**Envy Nibun no Ichi**

**FullMetal Alchemist (anime 1)**

**Fanfiction **

**_by Dragonnnova_**

The lights flickered, a cracking electric sizzle sounded out into the stale air as exposed wires swayed and then touched. The walls were groaning, crumbling under the weight of the roof above and their weakened strength. Along with the noises of a crumbling building came an eerie sound, it was a sound that sent chills down the spine of any normal human who may have been listening.

Laughter.

Mirthful sounds coming from a creature that may have looked human, but was far from it. A homonculus, a human doll without a soul. He was standing in the middle of the room that once appeared to be an alchemists laboratory, holding the enemy he had been fighting far above the ground by the collar of his black shirt.

The blonde boy tried to pull himself free of the taller one's grip, holding tightly to the arm that was restraining him while kicking frantically at the other's stomach. Somehow in the midst of his struggles the boy managed to connect once and pulled himself free, falling back to the ground with a dull thump and a cloud of dust and dirt.

The tall dark haired man held his stomach, a twisted beastly grin on his face, "I'll get you for that pipsqueak!" his voice was strangely high pitched for a man, adding to the overall eeriness of his strange appearance.

The boy began to frantically back away along the wall, trying to stand but falling back to the ground managing to only scoot just short way away from his tormentor. He finally gathered his senses, forcing the fear to the back of his mind and let logic and sheer determination control his actions once again. He slapped his hands together, the circle of his arms forming the array he needed to transmute his right metal arm into a shining blade.

Without another moment of hesitation he found his legs and lunged for the man, but the homonculi quickly dodged grabbing the boy by his red coat and flinging him effortlessly against the wall.

"This is fun and all but I'm starting to get bored..." the eerie voice sighed as the inhuman being sauntered over to the young alchemist that was now crumpled into a ball against the wall.

"Don't tell me you're done already! You just seem to get weaker every time I see you FullMini..." he laughed again as he started to pull his foot back and give the other a good kick while he was down. The oncoming blow never connected, the dangerous being had stopped suddenly, interrupted by a flash of pale blue light as Edward Elric turned his face up and stared at him, a strangely sadistic smile tugging at his lips.

"Actually I'm just getting started!" Ed slapped his hands down on the ground causing a stone spike to form under the other.

The Homonculus managed to doge it, but was somewhat taken aback by the sudden attack, he glanced behind him, a stone spike was dangerously close to his backside and it had hooked his shorts and ripped the material that hung loosely around his waist. "YEAAAAA! MY SHORTS!"

"Shorts? I thought you were wearing a miniskirt!" Ed snickered at the silent joke that flickered across his mind about a certain Flame Alchemist. Yet he quickly pushed that to the back of his mind and forced his fuzzy thoughts on the task at hand. Hand to hand combat against the homunculus, Envy, was even more dangerous the closer you had to be to him.

Once more Ed created the array with his palms, the look of a silent prayer if one didn't know any better, and suddenly the soft blue light gathered at his feet the cement of the floor slowly forming a pole. Ed gripped the handle and yanked a freshly transmuted spear from the ground.

"EXCUSE ME!" Envy turned a bright shade of red and lunged for Ed as he transmuted the spear.

The small State Alchemist dodged his punches, taking a few stabs at his enemy with the tip of the spear, but all this fighting had been wearing him down. His senses were shot and his stamina was quickly falling to zero. He didn't see it coming and found he was painfully caught off guard by a swift kick to the side, he tumbled across the room and skidded to a stop. Ed shook his head while leaning heavily on the spear, dazed from the attack, and quickly formed another stone spike as he forced himself to stand unaided. Once again it was dodged, as the tall one pinned the young alchemist against the wall by his neck.

"Give up already, Runt!" He growled at Ed.

Neither noticed the strange cracking noises rising from the ground beneath them, the way it started out faint and steadily grew in warning. The events around them simply faded into the background, the only thing that existed was the hatred they held for each other and the pain.

Ed managed to snicker at him spitefully between gasps for air, "Like I'd ever give up... Especially to a girly looking freak show like you, ENVY!" Ed planted his boot in Envy's face, using the wall against his back to put more force into it.

Envy fell back but he tucked his feet under himself and caught himself before he actually hit the ground. A swift hand shot of to his face as he landed a few feet away from Ed, "My face!" he pulled his hands away and finally noticed that they were now stained a deep crimson. He gasped and felt his nose that was freely losing blood, "MY NOSE! My cute nose! HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY CUTE FACE!"

"Brother!" A frantic cry from outside the room halted the fight. "Brother, get out of there! The building's coming down!" That was the frightened yell of Ed's little brother, the strange sound of it almost making Ed's ears ring painfully, he had been so focused that his brothers voice seemed too foreign in this setting.

How could he have forgotten, he had asked Al to stay there for a moment, he was just going to slip through the vent and check things inside, find a way for Al to get in too. Edward hadn't expected everything to just blow up in his face the moment he stepped into the old laboratory. His poor planning had landed him in a now crumbling building, separated from his brother, and facing one of their most deadly enemies alone.

For just a moment the thought flickered through Ed's mind '_Al must be seriously freaking out because he can't find a way in here with me._'

During the slight lull in the battle, Ed allowed his guard to fall ever so slightly, his gaze falling away from Envy when he heard his brother's cries, his instincts wanting to tell his brother to get away safely. It was a mistake taking his attention away from his enemy.

Envy shortened the distance between them and chucked Ed to the side with a swipe of his hand, the unchecked strength behind that blow left Ed breathless as he hit the ground hard. But the pain, the ringing in his ears as his spear clattered to the ground just out of reach, and the struggle for breath all fell to the back of his thoughts, they were the last thing on his mind as another noise began to fill Ed's ears. It was the strain of the concrete beneath them, the sound of something solid and strong finally giving up it's fight.

All the fighting , all the alchemy that Ed had used, it was too much for the old building and he knew it had finally given up. Envy started to triumphantly make his way to the fallen alchemist to kick him while he was down again, but even he began to notice the strange noises. He stopped short of Ed, settling his foot down on his spear as if to say 'don't even think about it' and slowly glanced around the room.

"Well, well... Looks like we're bringing down the house." Envy chuckled quietly as he flicked a long strand of his hair back over his shoulder.

The entire floor gave way as soon as those words left the homonculus' mouth, sending them cashing to the room below. A thick dirty cloud hung in the air, engulfing the room like smoke in the aftermath of a bomb. Ed coughed a couple of times then realized he was resting in someone's arms, cold like steal but tightly wrapped around him in a protective sort of embrace. His brain then registered these were Al's arms. He was safe?

"Al?" he coughed again and tried to see in the haze that surrounded them.

"Brother, are you alright?" Al's voice was a sweet comfort in the middle of all this chaos.

"Yeah," Ed shook his head a little, dust fell from his blond hair and wafted away. He glanced around the room at the rubble everywhere, "Hh... how did you get in here?"

"I had to pull some concrete out of the way to get to you. You've been out for a little while, Brother... the building collapsed and I thought for a while that..." Al trembled a little as his voice faded, "DON'T EVER TELL ME TO WAIT OUTSIDE AGAIN!" What were you thinking coming here alone?" Al scolded his brother for sneaking off like he had done.

Ed looked up at his _little _brother, enduring the verbal chastisement with as much grace as he could, "I'm sorry, Al... I didn't know it was a trap... and besides, I didn't want to risk losing you." Ed finally whispered.

"WELL DON'T DO IT AGAIN!" Al cried.

Ed chuckled sheepishly and reached up to rub a sore spot on his forehead, pulling his hand back down and realized is glove was now stained red from the trickle of blood, "Well, I'll have to get new gloves now..." He cracked a playful smile, but it still hurt.

"This is no time to be joking, Ed..." Al whispered, still worried despite his brother's attempts at lightening the mood.

Off in the corner they heard a strangled moan, Ed tilted his head back trying to see where the noise had come from. The realization suddenly struck him that he had lost track of his enemy during the fall and the time he was out cold, "Al, where's Envy?" Fear slightly tinged his voice this time, the bitter feeling of knowing danger was near but having no clue where it would come from.

"I don't know... I don't see him..." Al looked up at the crumbling room they had fallen from, "Brother, what happened in there?"

"Ah, the usual butt-kicking..." Ed smiled, it looked strange coming from someone who looked the equivalent of three miles of bad road. He was bruised and dirty, his blonde hair was coming undone from his braid with little tufts sticking out here and there.

Al chuckled, "Who's... Envy's or _yours_?"

"Shut it, AL! I had everything under control!" Ed growled.

"Sure you did." Al sighed.

The strained moan came from the corner of the room again, Ed turned his head and stared at the pile of rubble he guessed was the source of the sound. He silently motioned for Al to release him, which his brother hesitantly complied.

"Ed, please, let's just go... you're in no shape to keep fighting something like him and he may be fully recovered by now." Al pleaded with his older brother.

"It doesn't sound like it..." Ed muttered as he carefully toed his way through jagged hunks of concrete. His foot caught on something metal and sent it clattering a few inches away.

The spear he had transmuted upstairs was bent and missing part of the blade. Ed then kneeled next to the dirt and rocks where he had first stumbled on the spear; carefully he reached over and pulled away a few stones revealing Envy's limp hand in the rubble. The homonculus was completely out cold, far from dead if the light moaning every so often was any indication.

"Al help me..." Ed called over his shoulder, watching his brother hesitate for just a fraction of a second before he joined him.

Al lifted a particularly large concrete slab and tossed it aside as though it were a pebble. The image made a passing thought filter past Ed's busy thoughts, 'must be nice to be able to do that' but that was something he wouldn't dare say to his little brother. Simply thinking it made him feel like a heel.

Envy lay lifeless in the debre, completely covered in soot and blood, barely recognizable under all the filth and his own mangled body. "Ed... is he dead?" Al couldn't help but look away, it was a hideously gruesome scene considering the fact that he had just lifted a rather large stone off the homonculus.

"Yeah right, like it would be that easy to get rid of one of _them_. He's regenerating already... I think he's just out cold now. Actually we better take this as a blessing and leave before he's completely restored and wakes back up." Ed said as quickly stood and dusted himself off.

Envy gasped like someone coming up out of the water, letting out one more strained groan and then sat up slowly. It was like an image of the undead reanimating and pulling itself from the grave. He lifted a shaking hand to his head and rubbed a particularly sore spot tenderly, "W... wh... what happened?"

There was no answer, Ed and Al stood frozen in place, not sure whether to run or actually answer this creature that was addressing them and looking all together too innocent and confused. Envy glanced up at them, he stared at Al with a strange surprised look on his face, then his gaze fell on Ed. He blinked a couple of times, a sort of expression of questioning innocence in his eyes, "and... who are you?"

The brothers gave the creature a strange bewildered sort of look, Al was fighting the urge to simply grab his brother and run for dear life but somehow managed to stay firm.

"My head hurts so much..." Envy cried pitifully as he clamped a hand down on the spot he had been rubbing and nearly doubled over.

Whatever possessed Ed to step closer was lost on Al. He squeaked when his brother carefully made his way over to Envy's side, pulling his hand away and inspecting the source of the homonculus' pain.

"Who... are..." Envy seemed frightened, how such an emotion coming from him could make him seem more scary than normal Envy was beyond Ed's ability to think right now. But he persisted, despite his mind screaming at him to just back away and leave before this got any worse.

"There's nothing wrong, not even a cut." Ed stated blandly, but paused as he ran a finger over the area and noticed how Envy flinched. "But I can feel something here."

"Don't touch it! It hurts! I don't even know you, stop pawing at me." Envy slapped Ed's hands away and looked as though he were about to burst into tears at any given moment.

Sure enough there was something that felt odd, like something was lodged inside his skull and for some reason his regenerative abilities had locked it inside instead of pushing it out, maybe that's why it hurts him so much. And what was all this about not knowing them? How could he forget his enemies so easily just because something was hurting him.

"Forget..." Ed whispered.

Envy cast a confused sideways glance over at Ed, his purple eyes still wide with confusion. "What?"

"Tell me who you are?" Ed commanded.

Envy blinked owlishly, "I... I'm... I don't..."

"What about us? Do you recognize us?" Ed questioned, his expression still not letting on what he was thinking.

"Yes...um.. No... should I?" Envy quickly spared a glance at Al and then back at Ed.

"Memory loss? Ed is that even possible for..." Al gasped, but Ed cut him off before he could complete his sentence.

"You don't remember anything that happened? You don't remember who you are or who we are?" Ed questioned again, his voice still stern and unsympathetic.

"No.. No I don't.. I can't remember... I can't remember what happened! How did I get here! Who am I? And who... who are you? For some reason I feel like I should know you and I can't seem to find it..." Envy clasped his hands over his head again and buried his face against his knees.

A sadistic grin quickly plastered itself across Ed's face, "I'm..."

"Brother!.. shhhhh..." Al tried to warn him not to risk jogging Envy's memory.

"Brother?" Envy looked up at Al, wobbling where he sat a little as though he was about to fall backwards.

"Yeah, brother..." Ed leaned forward and stared into Envy's confused eyes, "Don't you remember anything at all?" he chuckled as he restated the question from before with a little feeling this time. Strange that the first sign of any sort of emotion and it seemed odd that it would be humored.

"I'm your brother!" Ed smiled as Al fell over, foot in the air and twitching.

"My... brother?" Envy looked shocked, "But... I don't remember.. I don't remember anything..." He stared down at his hands folded in his lap. "Who... am I?"

"You're Envy! You're our sister..." Ed carefully masked the smirk he could feel at the corner of his mouth as a caring sort of smile.

"EDWARD! That's just..." Al started to protest to Ed's strange outburst but he was hushed by a quick glare shot in his direction.

"Sss... Sister! But I'm a guy! I can tell... I'm a GUY!..." Envy looked himself over and stopped at the skirt-shorts he was wearing. "I.. think."

"Yeah, you're a guy now, but that's because this evil witch named Lust put a curse on you that turned you into this... You're actually our sister..." Ed lied right through his teeth, he could have convinced anyone they were a flying monkey with that schooled expression.

"A curse?" Envy looked terrified at the thought of what could have happened.

"Yeah, real nasty thing too. I hate to say it but you turn into a guy every time you're splashed with cold water."

"But I'm not wet!... just dirty..." Envy held his arms up and looked himself over yet again, confused. "... and smelly... and bloody... BLOOD!"

Ed clamped a hand down on Envy's holding his hand tight between his palms in a comforting sort of gesture. "It happened long before we got here. We followed Lust here and she ended up destroying the building in order to get away. We thought you were dead... you... got caught in the blast..." Ed explained, schooling his expression into that of worry mixed with relief as he secretly studied the homonculi to see if he bought it the bundle of lies he was feeding him.

Envy sat in silence for a moment, "Yes, I... I think I remember... I do know your faces..." he looked up at the boys, his voice sounded sweet and even more effeminate than before, "If you seem so familiar to me then you two must be my brothers!" a reassured smile spread across his face at that conclusion.

"Exactly! Now let's go get you cleaned up..._ Sis_..." Ed grinned, it could have been taken as evil or caring depending on which 'sibling' was looking into his gold eyes.

"Brother, we need to talk!" Al grabbed Ed by the hood of his red coat and pulled him into a corner, "What do you think you're doing? OUR SISTER? I'm starting to think that you cracked your skull too!"

"Think about it, Al, this way he'll be on _our_ side! For once we can get the upper hand on the rest of those monsters!" Ed growled back.

"How come I'm getting the feeling you're planning something really evil and petty instead..." Al hissed.

"Evil? Me? What in the world, Al, you know me better than that!" Ed laughed and shook off the accusations.

"Yeah, I _KNOW_ you brother, and I _KNOW_ you're planning something bad!"

"Tch... I'm cut Al, that hurts! You don't trust me?" Ed tried to fain sadness.

Envy was now standing in a cute sort of pigeon toed way, dusting himself off carefully. "Is... is everything ok?" He asked as the boys came back.

"Yeah, Let's go Envy... We'll get you back to normal in no time." Ed smiled slyly and stumbled over debris and out the nearest hole in the wall to the court yard.

****

Chapter 1: Lost Memory ~End

__

To be continued...


	2. Little Green Dress

**-Notes-** I really want to thank Obi-Quiet for letting me bounce ideas off her for this fic, it was thanks to her that I was able to start writing it again. She's also agreed to be my Beta Reader and I can't THANK YOU ENOUGH, Obi-Quiet! With that said... this chapter hasn't been Beta'd either.. And this is the last chapter I'll post like this for now. I want to send the rest of the story to her first, give her time to look it over. Then I'll post everything. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for staying with me for so long, for all the wonderful reviews, the encouragement to continue on, and I wanted to give you a little 'preview' of what's to come and what's changing.

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Chapter 2:

**A Little Green Dress**

"Little Brother?" Envy whispered to Ed's back. "Where are we?"

Ed fought the urge to pummel the guy for calling him _little_, deciding it was best to go along with it for the sake of his ruse, "We're at the dorms in HQ... We'll finish getting cleaned up and then continue our search in the morning, ok?"

After convincing Envy that he was actually a she as well as their blood relation, the first thing Ed had done was found a public restroom and attempted to clean up as best he could. After washing his face and quickly braiding his hair back up he at least looked somewhat better and not like he had just done ten rounds in the ring with some burly wrestler. Envy on the other hand was a different story.

Envy was simply caked with blood and dirt, and his clothes looked down right thrashed thanks to the number Ed had done on them with those stone spikes. But Ed told him to was up as best he could and threw his alchemically freshened coat to him when he finally reappeared from the women's side of the restroom.

At first Envy was confused by what appeared to be a gesture of kindness, but slid the coat on without question. He then quickly found that he was thankful for the warmth, even if it was a little on the short side and barely hung a few inches below his backside. He also began to wonder what had ever possessed him to dress like an evil hooker on a cold night like this, a party maybe?

They then snuck into HQ without being seen by too many people, they were almost there, if they could just get into the room without anyone who actually _knew_ them well seeing them.

"Brother... what are we going to do if we get caught?" Al leaned way over the two in front of him and whispered his worry in Ed's ear.

"We're not going to get caught, it's late, so nobody's awake. And those that are awake are asleep like the guards or just simply don't care." Ed whispered back, holding in his true thoughts on the matter. _'Really, Al, its about 2am now, who would be up that late?'_

"Yo," Havoc waved as he passed the stealthy-ninja-tip-toeing three.

They froze in place at the sound of a coherent and familiar human having caught them red handed, but he continued on his way down the hall like nothing happened at all.

Ed twitched, "WAIT! What're you doing here!"

"Yeah, you don't stay in the dorms..." Al squeaked.

There was a sound further down the hall, apparently coming form one of the rooms. But it was faint and stifled. The three glanced behind them simultaneously and then back at Havoc's retreating form.

Havoc had turned the corner and stopped long enough to peek around the edge at them, "should you really be questioning me when you're trying to sneak a girl in?"

Ed turned a bright shade of angry red, while Envy giggled and pulled Ed's coat tighter around himself. "Wow my girlish charms must show through even when I look like a guy!" Envy sighed.

"Don't say stupid stuff..." Ed snorted at both Havoc and Envy. "We're, just... picking up some... stuff and then going..." Ed growled at the unmoved Havoc.

The toothpick in Havoc's mouth twitched as a loud roar came from the dorm room down the hall. Followed by cries and most likely swearing. Yet again the details of the words were muffled, and most likely for the best.

Ed turned glancing at where the sound had come from then slowly back once more at Havoc. "What's going on down there?" he asked suspiciously.

Havoc sighed, " I guess you boys would have found out sooner or later... The guys get together to play a little poker every night..."

"At two in the morning?" Ed scoffed.

"Let's just say it's high stakes... and not always poker..." Havoc snorted.

"Wait... you mean you're all running some sort of underground gambling ring right here in the dorms?" Al gasped.

"Like a mafia casino?" Envy also gasped, "Do you guys have HIT MEN!"

"NO... it's not THAT bad... but well... we can't let the Colonel find out about all this.." Havoc scratched the back of his head, "He'd be less than pleased."

Ed snickered, a realization hit him, "You guys are in there betting on stuff that's happening to Mustang on the side of your 'poker' games, aren't you?"

Havoc thought for a moment, he weighed the possibilities of what could happen if word of their extracurricular activities would bring and quickly found an answer that would take care of all problems before him. "Well... don't tell Roy we bet on him every night in the dorms and I won't tell anyone you're sneaking in women..." Havoc shrugged and disappeared around the corner.

"I'M NOT SNEAKING IN WOMEN!" Ed yelled at full volume.

"Tell that to the guys when they come to see what all the yelling is about and see a tall woman in YOUR clothes walking by..." Havoc called back, but didn't bother to actually look back.

Fuery and Falman poked their heads out of one of the doors, looking up and down an now empty hallway.

"What was that?" Fuery whispered as he pushed up his glasses.

"Must have been our imaginations, we hear him yell so much... So, back to business?" Falman said flatly as he turned back inside.

"Yes! Odds are good that Roy will make a move on Hawkeye tomorrow morning... So who wants to bet on what type of gun she'll use on him?" Fuery called as he turned back to the crowd in the small room.

"OooH! I've got $50 that says she'll pull the Winchester off the wall and threaten to blow his head off!"

"Nah, it'll be the pistol she packs in her belt behind her back!"

"Alrighty... 100/1 says that she'll use the Winchester..." and then all was cut off when the door slammed shut.

Meanwhile, someways down the hall, Ed was locking his door after having quickly pushed Envy and Al inside. " Ok... I think we'll just lay low for a little while and then we'll get back to business..." he scratched his head, feeling the dirt and little rocks that still clung to him. He grimaced and then hooked a finger around the band that held his braid together and ripped it out. "And I'm taking a shower..."

"Brother..." Al called him back before he could leave.

"What?" Ed blinked.

"What about Envy?" Al reminded him that Envy was in the same state he was.

"Well... I guess... since everyone's either asleep or..." he paused, "gambling in Furey's room, we won't get caught." Ed sighed as he rummaged through a dresser drawer and pulled out a light green dress.

"Brother? You have a dress in your drawer? That's a little..." Al smirked.

"SHUT IT, AL! It's Winry's! She forgot it at the hotel she stayed in last time and I was keeping it safe for her..." he tossed it to Envy while grumbling, "I don't think she'd mind if you wore it..."

Envy smiled, "Winry? Is that little brother's girlfriend?"

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! SHE'S MY MECHANIC!" Ed yelled and then quickly slapped his hand to his mouth and listened to the door.

Nothing.

Ed sighed and leaned back against the door. Envy was still smiling as if he knew the deep dark truth, while Al chuckled.

"Come on... we don't have all night..." Ed finally hissed and stormed out of the room.

Envy jumped to his feet from the chair he was sitting in and started to run after his _'brother_'.

"Envy... you should know that it works both ways. Cold water turns you into a man but hot water will you back into a girl." Al waved as Envy smiled and nodded happily before disappearing out the door after Ed.

"Take that brother!" Al then did the best evil laughter he could manage, which really wasn't very impressive coming from sweet Alphonse Elric.

_ To be continued..._


	3. Tattoo of a Dragon and the Lost Feelings

**Author Notes: ** I'm going to repost everything I took down guys. It still is not beta'd but I've gone through and tried to clean them up a little bit. Please keep in mind this story is very old now, and it is based on the first FMA series so it will not fit into the universe of the manga/Brotherhood anime.

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**Chapter 3:**

**Tattoo of a Dragon and the Lost Feelings**

Military dorms weren't exactly the lap of luxury, but they were at least a place to stay without taking a huge chunk of money out of your pocket every month. While some like Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, and Roy Mustang preferred receiving the extra pay for military housing, Ed and Al found they could get by with just the simple barracks; especially with all the traveling they had to do. It was simply the wisest and more convenient choice to make considering their circumstances. What was the point to housing anyway? A home meant a body being anchored to a specific spot and the surrounding area. Whether it was in Resembool or Central it simply wouldn't work for them. It was better this way.

Despite the lack of small conveniences like kitchens and personal bathrooms, there was one nice feature to this; each floor of the military dorms actually had a fairly decent shower room connected to the restrooms. It was nice. Not as nice as having your own personal facilities right there in your room, but at least you weren't seeing guys from the floors above sauntering back to their rooms in nothing but what God blessed them with upon their birth. So this would do nicely and there was at least some privacy.

The connected shower rooms weren't really all that large. The whole right side was just one long wooden bench and a few high-placed windows, enough to let some air in and ease the suffocating amount of steam but not low enough for seeing out or in. The left side had a long mirror and a couple sinks right near the door, then a row of shower stalls that met the back wall. That last bit being a very much appreciated aspect of the room, especially at this moment. Ed didn't know what he would have done if he had to share an open shower room with this homunculi. He was already getting to see this thing up close and personal he didn't need to add 'in the buff' to that.

After a quick shower, Ed had quickly thrown on a pair of his light blue boxers and practically stormed out of the stall, kicking the door out as though he wanted to rend it asunder. He flicked the towel he had draped over his head back onto his shoulders as he hopped onto the bench with out so much as a faltering step and quickly closed the window above his head to keep the night air away. With the same almost irritated sort of air he then promptly plunked down where he had been standing on the bench and went about his own business of drying off the rest of the way.

He was carefully wringing out the water from his now slightly darker golden hair, inwardly thankful that Envy was actually taking his sweet time over there. Actually, Ed could have gone all night without visual confirmation of his new burden. He'd been trying so hard to grasp onto a naive little thought that Envy did not exist, nothing had happened earlier, jean Havoc hadn't insinuated what he thought he had insinuated, and he was simply taking his usual shower before sauntering back to Al. That was reality. That's what he wanted to believe. Sure it wouldn't last long, but at least those minutes would be somewhat blissful and normal. But no, his brain always had to kick in.

A sigh of irritation filtered past his lips as he glanced at the feet under the stall in the farthest corner. '_If somebody told me I'd be in the same shower room with Envy I would have punched them in the face and called them lying perverts._...' Ed shuddered, then looked away.

This was actually worse, now that he could see those feet and know who they belonged to, he kept thinking about what he had been trying to forget since they had brought the amnesiac monster home. '_What was I thinking? This was such a bad idea, I should have listened to Al. What am I going to do now? What if this all backfires on me anyway?' _It was all questions that were teasing his thoughts but he was trying to tell himself he was in the right and this would all work out for some greater good, his good.

"Come on! How long are you going to be in there! Do I need to call a plumber to get you out of the drain or something?!" Ed finally barked, it was more built up frustration over his traitorous thoughts than his having to wait around.

"Just a minute," Envy sang, literally sang. "I can't get all the shampoo out of my hair! it's so long - Maybe I should cut it?" Envy tiptoed to the door and peeked over, "You think I'd look good with short hair, Little Brother?"

Ed stared at him like one dead fish stares at another, "I don't care what you do Envy, just hurry up before someone comes in here!"

"Fine! Ya, big Jerk!" Envy grumbled quietly to himself as he went back under the fall of the shower, rubbing the sore spot on his head tenderly.

"What was that?"

"No~thing!" Envy sang from behind the door.

Ed grunted a couple of times and flung his still damp hair over his now bare shoulder, the forgotten towel now lay crumpled at the small of his back. He rested his elbow on his knee and then placed his chin in his palm, still muttering to himself under his breath.

"WOW!" a shocked cry came from behind the stall door, pulling Ed back from his attempt to forget everything.

"What now?" Ed groaned.

"I've got a tattoo!" Envy happily chirped.

"Wha..." Ed's face screwed up a little as he tried to think.

"Right here..."

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT! STAY IN THERE!" Ed started to scramble off the damp bench and towards the door, just in case the homonculus came out to show off whatever ungodly thing he had tattooed who knows where.

"On my leg. Sheesh." Envy sounded irritated as his voice faded behind the door.

"What, that?" Ed plunked back down. "You've always had that. Whooptie flippin' do."

"My head still kinda hurts, little brother," Envy finally whimpered.

"Well it's not going to get better in just a few hours, Envy, just take some pills or something," Ed replied with a groan.

The sound of water suddenly ceased and the light green dress Ed had given the homunculus slid from over the stall door.

"It's about time..." Ed snorted.

"Well I'm sorry! I can't help it!" Envy flung open the door and Ed just about fell off the bench at the shocking image suddenly assaulted his eyes.

"Wh-what happened?!" Ed's voice cracked as he tried not to look directly at Envy.

"What's wrong with you?" Envy's face distorted into a hurt frown as he padded up to the mirror with bare feet, he then glanced at the reflection that greeted him.

"Eeeeeck, does this dress make me look fat?" he whined as he straitened some wrinkles over his stomach. He then turned his backside towards the mirror and pulled the hem down further while inspecting it to see if it made his 'butt look huge'. Little 'urks' of irritation erupting from time to time until he faced the mirror again and started pulling at the v neck to hide the generous cleavage - yes cleavage.

"You look like a girl!" Ed gasped from the floor.

"Well, DUH! Stupid. If I'm your sister wouldn't that mean I'm a girl?" Envy playfully mocked him.

Ed sat up and shot a deathly glare in Envy's direction, "Well yeah, but you LOOK like a girl!"

Envy shook his head, "Silly, Al told me the rest of the curse details before we came here. Actually, I was kinda worried about how I was going to get back to the old me." A confused look flickered within the purple eyes in the mirror's reflection as Envy tapped a delicate finger to the side of 'her' chin.

"Al... told you?" Ed whispered, then he clenched his fist, "Good ol'Alphonse - I'm going to kill him."

"What was that?" Envy looked up, locking eyes with the golden reflection in the mirror.

"N-Nothing. Just hurry up we need to get out of here before someone sees you." He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his palm almost painfully hard, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and trying through sheer force of will to stop the headache he could feel emerging.

When Ed finally lowered his hand and sighed in defeat, he glanced up at the mirror and immediately wished he was in some other country let alone the same bathroom with Envy.

Envy was now cupping her rather generous endowments in both palms and squishing them together and up while inspecting the reflection of herself. "This dress is tiny, and too thin... and I need a bra. Hey, why couldn't I have a bra around here?"

"DON'T DO THAT!" Ed shrieked and clamped both hands over his eyes, making a motion as though he was trying desperately to keep from clawing out his own eyes at the horrible mental image that lingered after that. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?"

"ME!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?" Envy spun around on her heel, "You're acting like you don't even know me and I'm the one that's supposed to not remember anything! We're siblings aren't we!? Sheesh, we've probably even bathed naked together when we were tiny. Your such a prude."

"WE DID NOT! I AM NOT! JUST... JUST..." Ed 's eye twitched, this was the first time his brain had ever completely shut down due to intense meltdown. "Shut up, and come on before something bad happens - something WORSE happens."

Ed yanked up his clothes and flung them over his shoulder while griping under his breath "Ugh, it's burned on my retinas forever, I'll wake up every night with THAT in my head."

"Well it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't flopping in the breeze! Way to make me feel better about myself in this awful green dress." Envy snarled as she too stomped over to where she had left her dirty leather clothes and bent down to snatch them up, she paused just short of touching them and shakily slipped to the cold tiles.

The door opened and then closed just as quickly when Ed turned and saw Envy sitting on the floor before the bench clutching the side of her head. "Envy?"

"My head," Envy whined, "it's pounding now."

A moment of hesitation rooted Ed in one spot, but thanks to his lies and his determination for all this to work in his favor he had to at least act like the brother he was claiming to be. Ed quickly walked back to Envy, a sigh of irritation escaping him as he pulled her hand away from her head, "let me see..."

Ed knew perfectly well what the problem was and exactly where it was located. He figured something had managed to pierce Envy's skull during the fall, a killing blow to the normal human, but to a homonculus it was nothing. He had felt something strange when he had checked Envy's head the first time, like something was wrong and had simply healed over. Why it hadn't worked itself out was beyond him, perhaps these pains she complained about were a result of her body trying to force the object out, but simply couldn't.

When he tiled her head back to inspect the area she was complaining about he noticed it again, but this time he didn't have to feel it to know it was there, "Envy you're bleeding a little bit, hold still." Ed quickly snatched up her towel she had thrown onto the bench, pressing it firmly to where he had felt that lump before.

The fear in her purple eyes caught his attention, "Not bad, don't worry, it's just bleeding a little. It was a pretty traumatic experience earlier, you can't expect everything to be just fine so quickly."

Whether or not that was comforting to Envy, he didn't know. It certainly didn't ease his worries at all, but perhaps his words did what he had intended for her. She carefully nodded in agreement and calmed until the bleeding had stopped completely.

"Thank you little brother," Envy cooed happily, the sort of soft gentle sound Ed though he'd never hear coming from that mouth in a million years.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Ed grumbled irritably, noticing the way she was starting to lean closer. It almost looked as though she was contemplating hugging him but he certainly wasn't going to give his enemy the chance to do something like that. "Get your crap and let's go."

Envy blinked owlishly for a moment and then the confused and startled expression fell as her eyebrows began to knit together. "Fine! Your bedside manner sucks, Ed."

Ed actually laughed at this, an honest laugh that didn't seem forced in any way. The happy sound of it actually made Envy feel a sort of peaceful appreciation for it as she scooped up her clothes and shuffled after her brother.

Ed was an enigma that was for sure, a gruff and crabby little boy with a strange sense of humor. Envy couldn't help but wish she could recall her memories so she could understand him again. _'__Surely we weren't so bitter towards each other before?'_

"Actually, why don't you just throw them away, they're ruined anyway." Ed nodded towards the trash bin near the sinks.

"But they're my only clothes." Envy stared at the black material in her hands.

"Looks like cheap hooker wear if you ask me." Ed snorted over his shoulder.

"WELL! At least my clothes FIT me like a proper woman. I feel like I'm wearing a little ten year old girl's sundress!" Envy fumed as she stomped out the door after Ed.

IOIOIOIOIOIOI

They were quietly making their way back to the room, the irritated grumbles from both had finally settled into angry thoughts and nothing more. Envy was staring at the design one Ed's coat as they walked along in silence. He had hastily thrown it on while he sauntered along, it was more like an action to drive away whatever was plaguing him rather than one brought on by the necessity to keep warm. All this time he was dripping with anxiety, his movements were jerky and fast as though he wanted to beat the living snot out of something but instead he was taking it out on the floor by stomping around with his bare feet and yanking his clothes about forcefully.

"Little Brother?"

Ed flinched at the sound of that voice so close to him, then spat out a reply, "What."

The homunculus fell silent and didn't continue. Forcing Ed to turn and look back and repeat the question. "What?"

Envy's face distorted into a familiar grimace, it chilled Ed and sent a fleeting tremor of worry through him. A pesky little inkling that strangely sounded like Al was warning him that maybe she/he could regain the lost memories anytime if he continued to act like this creature was his enemy. But he couldn't help it, the bitterness he held for Envy was so strong it was all he could do to keep this charade up.

"Are you always this mean to me?" It was not the harsh insult Ed was expecting, in fact the voice cracked with an almost hurt underlying tone.

Ed turned back ahead and continued walking as though he simply wouldn't bother to answer, "What are you talking about?" Inside he knew his disdain and fear for the homunculus showed through, but he _was_ trying to be nice.

"You're acting, strange," Envy whispered.

Ed laughed at this,"And how would you know? You can't even remember."

Envy looked away, "That was cold, Ed, and that is exactly what I mean." s/he whispered.

Ed started at this, a guilty knot began to form in the pit of his stomach, "I - uh, I didn't mean that." But he had meant it at the time. He knew he had, he hated Envy with every fiber of his being. However, so many things were biting at him, bothering him. Among the worry over Al's warnings about how dangerous this all was and the beating himself for getting himself into this despite it's great opportunities, there was a new issue pushing its way to the front of his mind. He was beginning to feel this was a new person he was now walking with. He could almost sense Envy's feelings; and it frightened him in an eerie sort of way.

Envy stared at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with the other. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever." The tone in Envy's voice was almost heart breaking.

They continued on in silence, the tension was heavy, but Ed no longer knew what to think. Once again he was at a loss for words, he just didn't know what to say to Envy now. He was all too thankful when they finally got back to his room and he was able to forget the awkward guilt he was feeling because of the new-found emotions coming from Envy.

This was some fine mess he had gotten them all into. This is a twisted lesson, a real life example of the childhood lessons his mother always warned him about when he was little. This is what happens when you don't think your actions through to their conclusions.

Some time later Envy had fallen sound asleep on Ed's bed, while Ed was snug against the wall and his brother's back on the opposite bed, as far away from Envy as he could get. He stared at the ceiling as the shadows from the tree outside their window danced in the moonlight across the room. He glanced at the back of Al's head, and his eye twitched with anger. A few grunts and grumbles at the darkness later Ed finally whispered, "You did that on purpose..."

"What?" Al's quiet voice echoed in the armor.

"Told him that hot water reversed the effect," Ed said, then snorted.

"Yeah... so?"

"Why, did you want me to get caught with a girly looking Envy in the dorms." Ed started to raise his voice but strained to keep it at a whisper.

"Envy would have wondered about that. If cold water turned him into a guy what would turn him back? So I filled in the gaps in your _lie_." Al turned a little, glancing over his shoulder at Ed.

Ed stared at the ceiling again, not answering his brother's hint at what he was doing was wrong. After Al finally settled back Ed spoke again, "How'd he do that?"

"What?" Al echoed again.

"Turn into a girl? I mean I know that he's actually a shape-shifter, but he doesn't remember that."

"I think he's like grasping at straws now; trying to find the lost truth. So he trusts us and what we say becomes the truth to him. If he believes it enough then his mind will find a way to manifest it and make what we say the truth through his shape-shifter powers." Al sighed, turning again to glance at his brother out of the corner of his eye, "He _trusts you, _Ed."

Ed turned and stared at the wall next to him, avoiding his brother's piercing gaze. Finally he sighed, "Fine. Al, I'll tell him the truth tomorrow. I thought this would work out really well but there's too many odd things coming up. Stuff I didn't expect," Ed trailed off, not sure he really wanted to admit his wrong even to his little brother. "But if he kills me it's your fault!" Ed finally hissed.

Honestly, Ed was actually starting to feel sorry for Envy, as much as he hated to admit it. He was starting to feel badly for the jabs and the trick he was playing on the Homonculus. Al's words weren't any help at all, it furthered the deep guilt he was feeling. He sighed, inwardly agreeing that he was in fact going to set things right with Envy in the morning, this resolution set his mind at ease a little and allowed a restless sleep to take him over for the night.

To be continued...


	4. Petite Perfection Thy name is Edward

**Author's Notes**: There's a crack cross-over in this chapter. This whole fic is crack actually, but this chapter is so impossible. Usually I try to make sure my cross-overs are actually feasible - but there's no why this is even possible, it is here purely for laughs. I'll add notes at the end about the cross-over. Once again this is a pretty old fic... even my writing style is old despite my trying to touch it up.

* * *

**Chapter 4**:

**Petite Perfection Thy name is Edward**

Warm sunlight was now streaming lazily through the window, its illuminating presence heralding the freshness of a new morning at headquarters. The gentle light and fluffy white clouds were greeted by tiny little bluebirds sitting on the window sill and singing out to the breaking day. Meanwhile, Envy shifted and rolled over, burying his face into the pillow to escape that pleasant light that was slowly creeping down the wall across his pillow and finally invading his personal space. He reached up and scratched the back of his head, lazy fingers stopping suddenly in one of his tresses then jerkily running his digits through his long dark hair.

With a groan he sat up and looked groggily around the room, "Why's my hair wet?" he questioned the silence of the room as his sleep blurred gaze fell to his lap. He carefully patted the damp sheets around him, and then he looked down at the _flat_ green dress, "HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!"

"Brother spilled water on you?" Al sighed from his seat on the other bed.

"What? On accident?" Envy was running his fingers through his hair still, pulling lightly at some knots that had formed during his rest and letting the dark strands fall heavily back to his shoulders with a dull wet slap.

"I guess." Al sighed again as he mentally revisited the events.

_"__It creeps me out Al..." Ed said holding a large cup of cold water over Envy's head._

_"__But what if he wakes up!? You BETTER tell him the truth!" Al scolded him._

_"__Fine! But __**this**__has got to change," and with that he dumped the contents of the glass on Envy._

_The Homonculi, however, didn't wake up. Instead he simply flopped to his side and continued to snore, once again looking like the real Envy. Except still clad in a light green dress._

Envy sighed, running his hands down the flat line of his chest and stomach, straightening the wrinkles in dress out again as he sat on the edge of the bed. Al simply ignored it all, or tried to as he stared out the window and bore the heavy silence in the room.

"Where is little brother?" Envy finally asked after noticing the absence of the pint-sized brother.

"He had to go see Colonel Mustang," Al said, "and I stayed to keep you company." He glanced at Envy, a mixture of concern and fear could almost be seen etched in his metal features as visibly as an expression on a flesh and blood human face. Fear of what though, Envy wasn't sure.

The Homonculi smiled, then started swinging his feet back and forth. Al could have sworn that he heard a slight giggle escape the homonculus as he did something so childish.

"Colonel Mustang? That sounds familiar, do I know him?" Envy whispered, a strange puzzled look creasing his brow as his sender eyebrows began to knit together.

"Yeah - uh, Envy?" Al hesitated.

"Hmmm?" Envy tilted his head and stared at Al, a worried look began to wipe out the deep lines of thought that had been working over his expression.

"There's something you need to know; something about all the stuff Ed has been telling you." Al wondered if he really should be doing this. What would happen if the truth shocked Envy's memory back? Would he then try to kill him and everyone else in the dorm?

"Al? What's wrong?" Envy stood hesitantly, fiddling with the hem of the wrinkled green dress. He then shifted and quickly sat down next to Al.

This sudden movement startled Al a little, increasing the fear that was beginning to eat at him, "Um, Envy, you promise you won't get mad?" He mentally beat himself for such a stupid question. OF COURSE he'd be mad. He'd kill them all for sure!

"Why would I get mad at you, Al?" Envy's face scrunched a little with worry, "What's wrong? What about the things brother has told me?"

"Well, Envy, you're not really a..." The gentle words of the younger Elric brother were suddenly cut off as the door flung open with enough force to rip it from its hinges.

"THAT MUSTANG IS SUCH A JERK! I'M GOING TO SHOW HIM ONE OF THESE DAYS! I'm going to make him cry like the little _girl_ he is!" Ed bellowed and threw his coat across the room, accentuating his fury.

Gold eyes that had been blurred by pure rage suddenly focused on the two sitting side by side. "Oh, I'm I interrupting a warm family moment?" he snorted sarcastically at the scene.

"Actually, big brother was getting ready to tell me something." Envy tried to get Al to continue but was silenced by the look that flashed across Ed's face.

Ed glared at Al, "He was?" his tone was harsh, laced with an unspoken warning.

"Uh...uh..." Al stumbled, he knew he was stuck for sure this time. Ed or Envy, one or the other was going to kill him for sure. "We were going to take you shopping – today. Yeah!" he suddenly blurted.

"We were?"Ed twitched.

"Yeah, 'cause you can't expect Envy to just wear Winry's dress all the time! Can you?" he glanced at Ed nervously, hoping his brother had bought it.

"Yeah, I guess it's a must." Ed let out a sound that bordered on half sigh and half agonized groan.

Envy smiled almost sparkling in a way at the thought of doing something so fun, but then the joy was smothered by a shadow that passed over his face, "But where _are _my clothes? I mean-" he hesitated and looked questioningly at the brothers.

They were like cornered rats backed into a corner by a very hungry, very large cat. Ed fidgeted while Al twiddled his fingers nervously.

"Fire."

"Flood."

The boys answered simultaneously, then quickly looked at each other with worry.

"There was a fire," Ed spurted.

"And then a flood," Al added sheepishly.

"Whaaaa?" Envy's nose wrinkled up as he pondered that small bit of a tall tale.

"It was a bad fire, they tried to put it out and then pipes burst, flooding the place and well - you kinda lost everything," Ed stated, his tone even and calm once more.

Envy stared at Ed for the longest time, the intensity of it almost broke the alchemist down. He quickly started envisioning himself in a whole new world of hurt, he had done it finally, lied too many times and now it was about to bite him in the butt. But soon the expression on Envy's face softened.

Yet again the homonculus chose to believe them, even with such a plainly horrible story. "Ah, must have been about the time this all started happening to me, huh? Bad luck runs in three they say."

Ed smiled, "Yeah, yeah - Let's go already."

Al's heart sank even further, the guilt was starting to get to him even more now that he had joined the ranks of the liars. He watched as Ed retrieved his coat and flung it over his shoulder as he exited the room. Al was lost for a while after that, his thoughts spinning, his emotions in utter turmoil. He knew this wasn't fair to Envy, but he wanted to protect Ed. What should he do? What could he do?

Suddenly, Al was snapped back to his senses as he felt something gently take hold of his arm and give a light tug. His gaze then met that of Envy's. A truly worried expression shone through the homonculus' eyes as they stood there, but there was something more in those green eyes staring back at him. Something that chilled Al to the core, it almost made him feel the cold emptiness of his armor.

A look of love. As though Envy loved him and was truly and honestly worried about his well being.

"Brother? What's wrong? Something's wrong, I can sense it. Why won't you tell me?" Envy whispered, almost crying.

Al stuttered a moment, taken aback by the intensity of the emotions he was seeing in his enemy, "Envy," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry - " he didn't finish, he just turned and quickly left the room, leaving Envy alone.

"Why? Why are you afraid of me, Alphonse?" Envy's voice caught a little as he whispered to the silence.

IOIOIOIOIOI

Pink.

The room was pink. Not just pink; it was raspberry sorbet pink with frilly looking white lace curtains. And there was a sickeningly sweet perfume in the air, something entirely too fruity.

Ed gagged as he stood in the middle of the women's clothing store. It was the most horrible, frightening place that he had never dared to set foot within. Honestly it was. Sure he had been dragged shopping by a female before, but never to something like this. The only girls he was ever around was Winry and Lieutenant Hawkeye, and they were far from your average girls: mechanic junkie and a gun fanatic. The last place he could imagine either of them is a fruu-fruu-la-la place like this.

He glanced to the side, a rack of dresses hung dangerously close to him.

Frilly pink dresses.

With big bows.

And lacy ribbons.

Ed backed away, and went into the side room where Envy and Al had retreated not to long ago.

Edward quickly wished he hadn't.

Poor Al looked like he wanted to crawl inside his own armor, he was slightly crouched down as though he was trying to be invisible. Making odd and horribly pathetic whining noises that seemed to echo a little within his armor. All the while Envy was holding up a bright red nightie checking to see if it looked like it would fit him.

Ed gagged again at the sight and mental image of Envy trotting around all feminine like in a skimpy red lace neglige, the image nearly brought him to his knees in horror. His hand shot out to a nearby display stand to keep himself from toppling over in disgust at the whole scene. He then noticed his fingers were getting twined up in something and slowly he pulled it up and examined the article of clothing in his hand.

It was a neon pink, whatever it was. It just looked like a tiny slip of fabric and stings, he carefully spread it out and dangled it between his fingers. It took a moment of staring and then it seemed like his brain misfired or something. It was a underwear? No, it didn't have - a middle?

"WHAT THE CRAP!?" Ed flung the flimsy article of 'clothing' as though it was a snake that had bitten him, stumbling back to where he had come from. "What would someone do with... NO! I don't even want to KNOW!" He shook his head and finally settled once more in the middle of ball gowns, internally reassuring himself that it was better to be amongst floor length dresses and ribbons than nighties and the evil that will not be named...

A few moments had passed and Ed had finally managed to find that mysterious way to space out to the point of being comatose on his feet. He was now facing the doorway to the store and staring blankly at the backwards logo for the shop. It was a little snake wrapping around a mermaid playing a harp, however, Ed wasn't actually seeing anything at all. He was dead to the world. Killed by pink.

Strangely there were a couple of other women in the shop that strangely didn't seemed bothered by his presence at all. Normally women are put off by men in a shop like this, unless they're the blushing man looking for the right gift. The kind you feel sorry for and think you need to help get him through the pain as quickly as possible. But usually a male just standing and staring off would be somewhat creepy, not the case for Ed. In fact there were even faint comments about how pretty he was. However, he knew nothing, saw nothing, and thankfully heard nothing in this state of mind he had retreated into.

Yet _something_ slowly started to bring him back to his senses, it was a icky sort of feeling. Someone in that room was watching him with a fiery intensity and he could feel it right between his shoulder blades. He could tangibly feel their eyes on his back, yanking him from his blank reverie and it was starting to annoy him a little.

"EEEEHHHHHHHH!?" a voice from the back near the register whined happily.

Yes, Ed could tell it was happy, almost like someone who had found something that they had been searching for all their life. But he didn't care, he only wanted to go home so he didn't bother looking around.

"So cute! So perfect! JUST WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR!" The voice was closer to Ed's back now, making him suddenly nervous. Perhaps he was standing in front of the dress some woman wanted.

Ed fidgeted, still feeling the burning eyes upon him, slowly he turned to look back at the eerie voice from behind him. But just as he turned his head to see, someone had him by the shoulders and spun him around quickly, "H... HEY!" Ed managed to spit out in his slightly dizzy state.

"You're just simply **perfect**! Just what I've been looking for!" They paused long enough to look Ed over some more, " Ah, **Perfect**! Wonderfully long blonde hair! Cute angry expression in those perfectly wide eyes! I must have you! You will be my model!"

"WHA!? I can't model stuff for _this_ store! I'M A GUY!" Ed was thoroughly disgusted now as the implications of what the owner had said were starting to sink in... it was far, far worse than being called short.

Chillingly beautiful yellow eyes widened for a second in shock, then dark eyelashes fluttered as a huge grin spread across the shop owner's face, "AH HA HA HA HA! That's so cute, such determination, such passion, EXPRESSION! " and with that outburst the tall one grabbed Ed up and hugged him fiercely.

"Eh?! hmmmm. You're telling the truth!" Obviously the vicious glomp was actually a sort of gender check for Ed's coat and black clothes made it a little hard to see if he was actually a she. "Oh well, that doesn't matter! You're still the embodiment of **PERFECTION**! I'm so happy I finally found someone that will be perfect for my greatest work of art! So happy!" The owner then started to sob uncontrollably.

Ed was like a limp kitten; stricken; dumbfounded. Until he realized that the tall and strangely beautiful shop owner with the flowing silvery long hair that held him now... was _not_ a woman. "BUT I'M A GUY! I CAN'T MODEL A DRESS!" he then started to try to squirm away from the other's surprisingly strong grip.

The owner set Ed down and looked at him questioningly, "Eh, you're right... BUT THAT DOES NOT MATTER! Even if you are a man you're still perfect for my GREATEST WORK!" He whipped his silvery locks to the side and quickly faced the dressing rooms to the back of the store, with a quick clap of his hands he called out, "MINE! Quickly bring _**IT**_ out!"

"_**IT**_?! WHAT'S _**IT**_?" Ed began to go into fits of what almost seemed like asthmatic convulsions.

A dark haired young woman poked her head out from a door in back, her glasses shined over in the light as she pushed them up and tiptoed up to them, "But.. But... Tencho... you said you couldn't finish _**THAT ONE**_ until you had the **PERFECT** model for the fitting!"

"Yes, yes, I said that..." He waved his hand as if to dismiss her wariness, 'BUT BEHOLD!" He motioned to Ed, who was now trying to slowly back away to the front door.

Mine looked Ed over quickly, "Ah! Ah! CUTE!Your right as always, Tencho"

"Yes, yes! I know! You may praise me... in a moment..." He snapped his attention over his shoulder with that last statement, piercing Ed just as he was about to turn and bolt out the door, "... grab him for now."

Before Ed could even push the door open Mine had him and was slowly dragging him back towards dressing room. "Ah, Ayame-Tencho has such a good eye..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!" Ed screamed in horror as he clung to the register counter as Mine still tugged on him like a happy little puppy with a sock.

"BROTHER! WHAT'S WRONG - wha?" Al stopped mid sprint as he saw Ed hugging the register with Mine attached to his waist pulling with all her might.

"Big brother, what's wrong with...?" Envy fell silent as he too watched the comedy routine unfolding in the store.

"Al! Get them off me! Help me!" Ed whined as his grip began to weaken under the constant strain of Mine's pulling.

"What are you doing to Ed?" Al finally asked, trying not to let a snicker slip.

Ayame smiled, "Ah, he's perfect! I need him to model for me so I can finish my greatest work! You see I needed someone with just the right expression, color, ah perfect golden locks and _Petite_ build." He finished with a flick of his hair once again and sparkles seemed to dance around this strange man as he spoke. Strangely enough, this pretty man reminded Al of Major Armstrong.

"Petite! Yes, yes! And CUTE!" Mine's glasses sparkled eerily again, "We needed someone with just the right build to finish _**It**_... and YOU are perfect! There is nobody more cute and petite than you! Woman or man! For we have searched everywhere! And the masterpiece must be finished, ne?" She then smiled at Ayame.

"Petite?" Ed whispered.

"They just called you _**small**_ in clothes talk," Envy said, grinning sadistically.

"**WHAT!? **WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL THEY COULD BE PASSED OFF AS A LITTLE MIDGET G-GIRL!?" with that he had weakened his grip temporarily and in so doing gave Mine the opportunity she needed for one last tug and they both disappeared behind the long dark pink curtain for the dressing room.

"B-brother...ah..." Al stopped mid cry when all sorts of screams of terror came from the room behind the curtain. He turned frantically to Envy who was snickering rather evilly, "You knew he'd let go...?" Al was a little worried about the tremendous kick Envy was getting out of it all.

"Eh, call it pay back." Envy then shrugged and with a wicked smile turned back to shopping.

"Well, I must be doing my job now; finishing touches to _**IT**_, and all that. Then it will be a glorious work of art! Ah ha ha ha ha ha !" Ayame chuckled and sparkled all the way to the dressing room.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Ed's screams filled the room, chasing away the other few customers that had dared to linger on after seeing Envy browsing the nighties.

"OOOOOOH! Is that Automail!? I've never seen Automail before!" A feminine voice cooed, most likely being that of Mine.

"What is _**THAT!? **_I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAKS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"

Al fidgeted, "Oh brother.."

IOIOIOIOI

The main street shopping area was really crowded in the noon day sunlight. The markets were bustling with life as people shopped, chatted, and just walked lazily down the sidewalks peering into windows during their free time.

Four military clad people were slowly walking along during their lunch hour. Their destination was the new café that had just opened up near some strange women's clothing shop. And even though they were not on 'military business' they still made the people around them stop and watch them move by, curiosity of what they were doing causing them to move and form an open path for them.

"So, Roy... what in the world possessed you to think it would be a good idea to come out here, NOW? During the busiest time of day?" Hughes sighed as he thumbed through some new photos he had just taken of his little girl only a day or two ago, he stopped at one and stared at it with a look of disappointment.

"I had a feeling that this place might be good, so I figured why not try it out." Roy shrugged.

"Hmph, I bet you're trying to see where Full Metal went after this mornings little _'__incident_'. Right, sir?" Riza glared at her colonel.

"What?! Of course not! I just wanted to get out of the office for a while," Roy hissed almost hurt sounding.

"I DO BELIEVE THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LITTLE MUCH FOR EDWARD ELRIC TO TAKE..." Armstrong added to Riza's insinuation.

"Oh, come on, you weren't even there!" Roy paused, "All I did was look up short in the dictionary." He chuckled but the rest of his comment was cut off before he could finish.

"With a pasted picture of Ed next to it, and then to make matters worse you read off the synonyms for it from the thesaurus." Riza snorted.

Roy simply smiled and shrugged, "Tch, at least I didn't use _petite _on him..."

"I should hope so since that usually refers to WOMEN'S clothing - sir." Riza glared at him, telling him with one look that if he ever tried that one she'd come down on him like a duck on a June bug.

Hughes stopped in front of the clothing store and was fiddling with the camera he always carried on him, "I think I smudged my lense here. That last picture of Elysia was blurry." He was carefully cleaning the lens as he continued. "Hey, I should pop in there and find something for Gracia." he nodded toward the clothes store.

"I don't know about that, Hughes, it's kind of an _odd_ store." Riza wrinkled up her nose accentuating the 'odd'.

"Odd? How so? You've been in it?" Roy glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Once. And yes, it does have some nice things, but there are a lot of weird ball gowns and -" she glanced at Roy and then back at the store, "maid uniforms. As well as evils that will not be named."

All three men turned and stared at Riza for a good long time, then back at the store.

"Really! Sounds - _fun_." Roy snickered.

"You would say that!" both Hughes and Riza snorted.

"IS IT JUST ME OR IS THERE... SOME RATHER ODD NOISES COMING FROM INSIDE?" Armstrong then fell silent with the others, listening.

It was muffled screaming, laughter, and crying mixed together. However, the screaming seemed to grow louder causing them to step a little closer, perhaps to get a look inside. The strangely familiar and yet unnerving screams cause Riza to instinctively slide her hand over to her gun.

"GET AWAY! LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU FREAKS OF NATURE!"

Suddenly the front door burst open, barely missing Armstrong as it crashed against the wall with such tremendous force the glass nearly shattered. A flash of multi-toned pink lace and shining gold hair darted through the door way, crashing right into Riza before she could even snap her gun from it's holster. Somehow the lieutenant managed to remain standing and grabbed the pink mass of energy and lace by the shoulders and bring it to a sudden stand still.

"MISS ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Armstrong gasped at the small shuddering form standing before Riza.

"What in the world is going on in there!?" Roy growled as he peered into the shop, expecting some pervert to be harassing pretty little girls.

Hughes was staring at the back of the pretty little stranger. The dress on the small figure was truly stunning. A sort of gothic Lolita appearance but lacking the gothic dark colors that were always so noticeable in that fashion. Rather it was a floor length multi-layered soft petal pink gown tied at the waist with a long light yellow bow that hung just as long as the dress. The lace and silk top layers blew gently in the breeze revealing that there were numerous little petticoats giving it a more curvy bell-like shape at the hips. It was the sort of dress he would LOVE to see on his little Elisia, so adorable and so beautiful.

He then noticed the golden hair that was also gently dancing in the wind shimmering and then a strangely familiar 'antenna' for a bang. Strange. However, he didn't focus on that unnerving little detail for very long. His gaze was magnetically drawn higher to Riza Hawkeye's face. Such a horrified expression on her usually calm features as she held the little girl in place by the shoulders and stared down into that upturned face.

"Alphonse!?" Roy blurted when he got a good look inside, "What are you doing in there? Where's Full Metal?"

Riza stuttered, lips moving, but no words came out of her slack jaw as the one that stood in front of her slowly turned their head to glance behind at the other three men with the vacant look one gets when in shock.

Hughes choked when he saw that the strange little _girl_ was actually Edward Elric, in a pink lacy gown, and as he did so his finger slipped on the camera and a picture clicked the flash of the bulb startling Ed back to his senses.

"WHAT THE! WHY'D YOU TAKE A PICTURE!? ARGH!" Ed screamed as he turned full around and revealed the front of the gown. More lace, in a corset type of style that tuned almost bar maid looking around the neckline and traveled down to Renaissance styled bell sleeves tied at the elbows with more pale yellow ribbon.

"BROTHER! Oh my goodness..." Al gasped from the door way next to Roy when he finally got a good look at the dress on Ed. He then began to chuckle slightly, fighting hard not to laugh. "Ed. It looks - _good _on you."

"Full Metal?" Roy questioned the sight before him, his eyebrow arched as he stared.

Realization finally hit Ed that it was in fact Roy Mustang and his other co-workers that where now witnessing his greatest embarrassment. "M-MUSTANG!?" Ed gasped starting to bolt again, however he delayed, not sure where to run to. A great mistake, that delay.

Roy snatched the camera from Hughes with lighting quick reflexes and started snapping pictures of a fully enraged, and beet red Edward. Who was now flailing around like a fish out of water trying to hide his horrible cherry petal pink shame.

"EDWARD ELRIC! I DO NOT KNOW WHY YOU ARE RUNNING AROUND IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING" Armstrong gasped, "BUT ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU THE PROPER WAY TO POSE!" and with a ripping off of his shirt, and the appearance of tiny pink sparkles, he began his Mr. Universe poses. "AN ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE PASSED DOWN THROUGH GENERATIONS OF THE ARMSTRONG LINE! SUPER PINK SPARKLE STANCE NUMBER 45!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! I HATE YOU ALL!" Ed screamed his voice cracking as fled for dear life down the street. Followed closely by Roy and the camera, then Hughes crying for his stolen camera, and finally Armstrong and his tiny pink sparkles.

There was laughter coming from inside the shop still, actually it had never stopped, but that was the least of Ed's problems and the last thing on the mind of everyone surrounding the little clothes store. Envy half stumbled out of the store like a drunk man after a bender. He threw one arm over Al and leaned on him heavily, dizzy from the lack of air from the insane laughter. Al had finally stopped snickering, the fleeting moment of humor for Al had quickly ended replaced by a strange feeling of dread. He looked at Envy, the mannerisms and the almost evil laughter was starting to scare him once again. It was the old Envy again, he could feel it. Sense it.

"Revenge is sweet, " Envy chuckled, gasping for air.

"Envy," Al finally whispered the way one would whisper to someone sleepwalking that they wished to wake up but were worried about doing so.

Envy's laughter stopped all too suddenly, he looked up at Al with an odd expression on his face, it was almost a look of confusion. "Big b-brother?" Envy then smiled, a sincere sweet smile yet slightly confused.

Al was slightly relieved when he heard the familiar sisterly tone return to the Homonculus' voice, yet he was worried still about the words Envy had said, as well as the severe reaction to Ed's embarrassment. "Envy... what did you mean by that."

Envy blinked, questioning Al without saying a word.

The younger Elric brother continued, "What did you mean by revenge?"

Envy jerked his head back like Al had just slapped him, "Revenge? I didn't say that..." Envy blurted defensively, but then his gaze darted from side to side as though he was searching his inner thoughts, "did...I?" he finally whispered.

"Yeah, Envy, you did." Al still watched as some sort of inner battle was being waged inside the homonculus.

"I d-did. I did say it - I didn't mean to say that. It's not what I was thinking. I don't know _what_ I was thinking - Alphonse...?" Envy looked pleadingly up at Al, wishing him to be able to answer the unspoken questions.

Riza stood silently watching them, she wasn't sure what to think of this. It was strange,

she had never laid eyes on this dark haired _person_ before, yet there was an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She felt defensive and wondered why Al seemed so familiar with them. She decided to ignore the feeling for now, however. She could see Al was not threatened by this stranger, so she simply walked down the street in the direction the Colonel and others had taken.

~to be continued

* * *

And the cross-over is from Fruits Basket! Ayame Sohma (the snake) and his little Assistant Mine... I was trying so hard to think of a good 'shop' owner and suddenly Fruits Basket popped into my head. Ayame would be the only one who could fast talk and force Ed into a dress. I mean really think about it, who else could! So sorry for the cross over, I hope you liked this chapter despite the major case of crack. I promise: it's strictly FMA from here on in this fic.

Now I'm picturing Ayame's shop time traveling around like the Tardis or something.


	5. Edward's Inevitable Doom

**Author's Notes:** This is the last chapter I had originally posted and then taken down. I think I did some rewriting on this quite some time ago so it may not resemble the original version I posted back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I had to take all these down in order to rewrite some things and make the ending work. So chapter 6 and possibly 7 should be new material. I'm still not sure if I'm going to just smash 6 and 7 together and end it there or break this ending up into two chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

**Edward's Inevitable Doom**

"Brother..."

"GO AWAY!"

"Brother you can't just sit in there forever."

"YES I CAN! NOW GO AWAY!"

Al finally sighed in defeat, leaning forward a little until the side of his head was pressed against the closet door, as though he was straining to hear something from the other side. "Brother," he whispered.

"I SAID GO AWAY, AL!" The enraged voice from the closet cracked as Al's name fell from his lips.

Al took this as his cue to leave, it was no use reasoning with Ed until he had calmed down a little. _This is going to take a while._ Al sighed as sat down on the bed and glanced out the window.

Usually Al was able to talk Ed back into as somewhat placid state, he could calm him with his reasoning and gentle voice. But he knew full well that this was not one of those times. Every so often Ed will reach a point of anger stemmed from embarrassment that is almost unstoppable. Actually this hadn't happened in quite some time, it really honestly didn't happen that much, and yet Al had quickly learned how to tell the difference between one of Ed's normal fits and then one of THOSE fits.

The last time Ed went into one like this they were still little kids about six and seven. It started when one of the neighbor kids had embarrassed Ed in front of Winry. Al tried to calm him down but said the wrong things and it ended in grass stains, bloody noses, and both of them staring down the corners in their rooms. But that was such a long time ago, Ed hadn't been so blindly enraged in such a long time, Al figured he had finally grown out of it.

Al sighed again and stared at the closet door, he wanted to help his brother somehow, yet he knew Ed had just suffered a horrible embarrassment that wouldn't be lived down very soon. An embarrassment that had photographic proof. His anger would stay fueled until something very inevitable and very bad happened.

He started to stand up and try again, desperate to get Ed out of that closet. There was a gentle knock at the boy's door before it cracked open a pinch, Al stopped mid-movement when Envy walked through the slightly opened door into the room.

"I'm back, brother!" Envy sang cheerfully toward Al as he trotted happily into the room.

There was a strange sort of hiccup and muffled sniffle from the closet.

Envy jerked his gaze from Al and stared at the door, "GOOD GRIEF, Squirt! Are you bawling in there?" Envy's voice was cold, extremely harsh, and creepily familiar once again. "Full Metal Baby is more like it," he snorted.

A loud roar split the silence after Envy's comment, Al shot up from the bed and launched himself at the closet door just as it started to open. He slammed against it, forcing it shut again, trying desperately to do the opposite of what he wanted to achieve earlier. "Brother, Envy didn't mean it! Calm down!"

Envy shrugged, "Well I almost got stupid out of there."

"ENVY! Please, you're making it worse!" Al cried as he braced the door.

Envy's expression softened back to _normal_ "Sorry, big brother." Envy blinked back tears, slightly confused as to why Al had yelled like that.

"Ed, just calm down, Envy didn't mean it," Al looked up at Envy, "did you?"

"I'm sorry little brother, I don't know what keeps getting into me," Envy said and snuffled.

There was a couple more growls and then finally a loud thump, a sign that Ed had finally collapsed back into the fetal position he had once held in the closet. "Just shut up and go away already!" he hissed quietly.

"Brother - you really have to try to calm down. You can't stay in there all day!" Al sighed as he started to release the door.

"Let's see. I started to come out - but strangely THE DOOR WOULDN"T BUDGE!" Ed spat as he once again tried to leave the confined space.

"BUT YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ENVY!" Al slammed against it again just in time. "Brother you need to calm down **first** and **then** come out. Okay?"

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! JUST GO AWAY!"

They were back to square one. Al sighed yet again and slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor. Envy stood before him, almost in tears.

"I didn't mean to upset him more, Al!" Envy sniffled and clenched the hem of his dress.

"I know, Envy, don't worry about it. Ed gets like this sometimes, it's nobody's fault. He's just being a **jerk,**" Al snorted half growling the last word at the door he was leaning against.

"I _can_ hear you, I **AM** RIGHT _**HERE**_, REMEMBER, AL!" Ed shouted as he gave the door a kick to accentuate his presence.

"YEAH AND YOU'RE BEING A JERK!" Al shouted back before he could think.

Envy began to bawl uncontrollably, "Big brother is yelling!"

"Alright! EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN!" Al tried to stop the onslaught of screams and crying. He was almost sure he could feel a migraine coming on, even if it really wasn't physically possible.

Envy let out a couple more whimpers and then snuffled, focusing on Al, "Big brother?"

The closet was finally silent as well.

"Good. This is better," Al paused, looking around the room, "Now - I am going to slowly back a way from the closet. And Envy is going to sit over there." Al pointed to a chair near the window in which Envy quickly sat. "And Ed is going to come out of the closet. Okay?"

Envy snorted and a hand quickly flew up to his mouth to stifle the snicker that was trying to escape. Al glared in his direction and the snicker froze, a frightened rabbit like look flashed across Envy's pale face.

"No. Ed is not. Ed is going to stay in here for the rest of his miserable life." Ed's voice echoed in the closet the way Al's did in the empty armor.

"Get out of there, or I'll come in and drag you out by your braid. Brother," Al hissed as he flung open the closet door.

Ed stared up at him with unwavering annoyance from between various red trench coats and other such clothes he kept hanging up. It was a tight spot, so he had his legs against side wall of the closet, feet far over his head. Ed's eye twitched, "Make me - _brother_."

IOIOIOIOIOI

Havoc was slowly walking down the dorm hallway, chewing on the end of a toothpick wishing they had never invented the _no smoking in the dorm _rule. He knew there was a good reason he didn't live here.

He glanced at the note in his hand and then shoved it in his pocket, "Why'd I have to come here? Roy knew Full Metal would be in a royal snit and everyone else would be afraid to come near him, that's why," he answered his own question in the silence of the hallway, "Why do I follow that man anyway?" He took a few more steps then stopped as a thought hit him, "Oh yeah - the mini skirts."

He made his way to the Elric's door, raising his hand to knock, however he never let it fall. A deafening scream split the air, Havoc jumped nearly out of his skin at the sound, it startled him so badly he fell back against the wall opposite the door. "WHAT THE!?" Military training then kicked in as he quickly gathered himself and promptly kicked down the door.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" He surveyed the room quickly to spot whatever intruder had threatened the Elric brothers. His eyes fell on Envy who was scared out of his/her wits and curled in the chair as though trying to hide. Then his eyes fell on Al, who was sitting in the middle of the floor, looking strangely calm and undisturbed.

"U-uh... Alphonse? Where's Ed? What was that horrible scream? It sounded like a cat getting drowned in -" he fell silent when Al pointed to the mass he was siting on.

"He's here," Al sighed. "Everything's fine."

Havoc stared at them. Sure enough, Al was calmly _sitting_ on Ed's stomach, while said cushion looked like he was about to die from suffocation.

"Ha-Ha-haaa-v-oc-aaaah," Ed wheezed.

"Shush!" Al hopped slightly, the slight movement made Ed's eyes cross.

"Ssst-op-ah-get-et-oooofffff. phhhh-I'm gonna puke."

"This is what you get for not cooperating! You're being a pain, Ed! I know you're mad but you don't have to take it out on us!" Al scolded him.

Ed gasped and then closed his eyes willing himself to be calm and focus on breathing instead of fighting back.

Havoc scratched his head and stared at them for a while before he finally spoke, "Uh y-yeah, um - after you're done torturing your brother give him this note. He's supposed to go see Mustang ASAP." he handed the note to Al.

Ed's eyelids shot open again hatred flashing across his face, or was that lack of oxygen? Either way he looked horribly red and irritated. "Ttt tell Mustahhhng to - take - a flying leap o-out ttthhe window!" he gasped.

Havoc stared blankly, then a smirk formed as he turned to leave, "I'll tell him that."

"Ed, you can't keep talking to the Colonel like that. He IS your superior officer, you know," Al whispered.

"I. Don't. Care." Ed managed to say somewhat clearly. Perhaps he was finally adjusting to the weight of his brother on his chest.

"Ok, fine, I'm going to get up now. And you, Ed, are going to remain calm and not make any fast moves or I promise I'll squash you like -"

"If you finish that, Al, I'll hurt you," Ed said with a hiss, remembering all the times he'd popped off at people that had called him short.

"Alright." Al stood and took a few steps away from his brother.

Ed still lay there like a flattened frog, yet his breathing began to steady a little. He turned his head slightly and glanced at Envy.

Envy gulped and clutched his knees tighter to his chest as he sat in the chair.

"What!" Ed spat the word at him.

"N-nuthin," Envy stuttered and looked away quickly, for fear of provoking Ed further.

"Sheesh, Ed, you're such an angsty little brat. You shouldn't talk to girls like that." Havoc snorted, and then turned to leave.

"DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!" Ed jumped to his feet and fumed.

"But it's alright to call you brat?" Envy smiled slightly.

Ed slowly turned his head to cast a death glare back at Envy who was now trying to crawl deeper into the chair and frantically chanting "sorry".

"Whatever, chief, you better get going. You don't want to stir up Roy's wrath," Havoc sighed and left the three alone.

"I'M NOT GOING!..."

"Fine. No skin off my nose, sooner I get outta this mad house the better. You deal with Roy however want, I've done my job, chief," Havoc said and left the room without even looking back.

"Ed, I know you don't want to see the Colonel but if he ordered you to go you have to do it," Al said quietly.

"He just wants to humiliate me again! HE TOOK PICTURES, AL! He's probably got them posted ALL OVER HEAD QUARTERS!" Ed screamed as his left hand shot up to his forehead, rubbing his temple as though he was trying to erase the horrible images that were giving him a horrific headache.

Envy stood up finally taking a few unsteady steps toward Ed, "Ed-" the voice was just above a whisper.

"And YOU!" Ed shot around toward Envy, "This is your fault you know, this wouldn't have happened if we didn't have you around" he hissed at the homonculi.

"Brother!" Al gasped.

"I don't care anymore! This was a mistake to begin with, we shouldn't have brought you here, you've been nothing but trouble!" Ed continued, blindly yelling at the homonculus.

Envy stood strangely silent almost seeming to tower over the hunched over alchemist, his/her expression was blank. No emotion shone through as Ed continued to yell.

Al drew his gaze from the back of Ed's head to Envy's face, studying the void of the homonculus' face. A familiar fear began to build up, causing him to become even more uneasy with the situation. Al wasn't sure what to do, he started to reach for Ed, but it all suddenly came to a screeching halt.

Ed collapsed finally, sinking to the floor and holding his face in his hands, "How am I ever going to live this down. It was already hard enough with every one making fun of me for being so..." his voice cracked, and then he fell silent.

Al sighed starting to take a step toward his brother and try again to comfort him, but something caught his eye. He looked up at Envy, who was still standing unmoved from where he had stopped a moment before Ed had screamed at him.

Cold violet eyes sparkled slightly with amusement, and a pale face was twisted into a sadistic grin. Envy seemed to be taking great pleasure in seeing Ed suffering.

It froze Al, the flashes of the real Envy were becoming more frequent. Each time getting worse than the last. He wondered if Ed's outburst could have been the final blow, was this the final catalyst to bring back Envy's memories? He hesitated, wondered if he should try to call back _their_ Envy, or if he should defend his brother. Then something strange happened, causing Al to stop all his racing thoughts.

Envy's eyes flashed, one couldn't tell if it was the glistening of annoyance or perhaps tears at that point. The twisted grin was still there, but his breathing became erratic, almost like someone who had been holding their breath for too long, forced to take in air suddenly.

Ed stared at the floor between his knees, it looked as though he was trying to bore a hole into the floor boards with his eyes. Clenching his left hand so tight his knuckles began to turn white.

"Brother," such a calm voice, there was always a calm voice to comfort him. However, this time it did not come from the same source as it usually did.

The sudden realization hit Ed and he turned somewhat startled up to Envy, "What?" this time it was not a harsh word he flung at Envy to shut him up.

The gentle voice continued. "I'm sorry about everything that has happened, I know it must have been such a horrible embarrassment. I want to help you, but I only seem to make things so much worse, I'm sorry," Envy then looked away, afraid to make eye contact.

Ed's expression softened slightly, he then glanced over at Al for a second as a silence filled the room that was not broken until the blond finally answered, "Oh for crying out loud, you both were put on this planet to make me feel like crap weren't you?" Ed sighed as he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his arms.

Al finally calmed for a second, he watched as Envy plopped down beside Ed and gently put an arm around the other. Strangely Ed didn't seem to mind. It was a comforting image, yet an unnerving thought struck Al as he quietly watched them.

_'It won't last... No matter how much we want it, no matter how hard we try... Envy won't stay like this forever, no matter what we do... We'll loose him. Something is going to trigger those lost memories, sooner or later. And there is nothing we could do...'_

Al slowly backed up toward the door, he watched them the whole time making sure that the kind Envy was indeed back, before he finally turned and left his brother alone. He needed advice from the only person he could think of that seemed to be able to keep a level head in all sorts of situations. The one person who seemed to have a good instinct in any crisis and whose only goal was to protect those she held dear. His steps quickened as he left the dorms and caught sight of the main office, '_Lieutenant Hawkeye... I have to talk to lieutenant Hawkeye... She'll know what should be done...'_

IOIOIOIOI

"I'm s-sorry Envy," The word stuck a little to the roof of his mouth as he said it. Ed wasn't one for saying sorry let alone to someone like Envy. "I didn't mean that, I was just so angry" he whispered from where his face was buried in his black shirt sleeve.

"It's okay, little brother, don't worry about it." Envy straitened up from where he had been sitting hugging his knees next to Ed on the floor. "I know you were just upset with this, um, Colonel Mustang was it?"

Ed flinched as though the mere mention of the Colonel's name gave him pain. "Yeah."

"So, what's this Mustang like?" Envy stood and walked slowly around to the front of Ed.

"Wha?" Ed pulled his head back and looked up at Envy, "Why do you wanna know?"

Envy shrugged, grinning slightly, "Curious! So tell me, what's he like?"

"Uh, well - He's a jerk! Stupid, full of himself, selfish, Jerk. Always poking at me, making fun of how sh-shhhh-or," Ed simply couldn't get it out, shaking his head and opting to continue on, "Ugh, sending me on stupid missions just to make HIMSELF look better while I get kicked around! His only purpose in life is to get a promotion! and he's a womanizer." Ed snorted "You know, I heard he wants to become Fuhrer so he can make all the woman soldiers were mini skirts as part of the uniform! What a pathetic-"

"So, he likes the ladies, huh?" Envy cut Ed off before he could continue his anti-Roy ranting.

"Hn?" Ed looked over at Envy who was now sitting on the bed, deep in thought. "What?"

Envy grinned and patted the space beside him motioning for Ed to come and sit, "I think I have a plan."

Ed obeyed, curiosity getting the best of him, "Plan?"

The homonculus leaned over pulling a hand up to Ed's ear and leaned in close to whisper the plan so that anyone that could have been eaves dropping couldn't possibly have heard. As Ed listened his gold eyes narrowed while a sadistic little grin began to tug at the corner of his mouth.

"That's evil," Ed stated, the same twisted grin on his face that was often seen on Envy.

"I don't know where it came from, but hey - whatever works," Envy chuckled. "Shall we then, I'll go take a shower and then we'll be set!"


	6. My Darling Mustang

**Author's notes**: okay so I decided to split the last part of this story into two chapters. So here's chapter 6 and chapter 7 will be posted soon. I just need to finish writing the very end of it. Sorry about how long you had to wait for me to finish this.

* * *

Chapter 6

My Darling Mustang

What a wonderful day it was turning out to be. It simply wasn't often that a man could enjoy himself THIS much at work. It was a slow day as far as paperwork went, actually the only paperwork he had was what little bit he had lazily sloughed off the day before. So Colonel Roy Mustang found that most of the morning he could spend idly tapping his pen on the couple of papers before him enough to make it sound like he was reading them, and thus successfully do nothing at all while looking somewhat busy. It was perfect, as long as he made various little 'skitch skitch' noises and 'hmmphed' from time to time he could actually spend the time staring out over the office, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his back and the always pleasant view of his lieutenant working away at her desk.

As long as he kept up his charade he would be allowed to watch her as she scratched out something on her paperwork or carefully brushed back strands of her hair that had worked themselves free of her clip. He loved that. Beautiful even in imperfection, her hair was far lovelier when it was slipping away from the perfect twist she had forced it up into early that morning as she readied herself for the coming day.

If only the bliss of the morning could carry on through the afternoon everything would be perfectly wonderful. Surely it would continue, so far, it was shaping up to be a right wonderful midday.

Two cups of hot coffee were clutched tightly within his gloved hands as Roy slowly walked down the walkway that led to the Central office. This was a tradition he found he loved as much as the lovely view from his desk. It was common knowledge that the mud they served in the break room was simply swill, who could stomach that but being hideously desperate for caffeine? So one day, when his beautiful lieutenant suggested they go for a quick walk to a coffee shop that had just opened, Roy had jumped on the chance. Not only was it a chance to drink something that could wake him up and actually taste like a decent cup of coffee, it was a chance to spend a little time alone, on a personal level, with someone he cherished more than anything in the world.

Ever since then they would have this nice little coffee break together, sometimes in the morning, sometimes the afternoon. And it would be just them, together, talking like the old days when they first met. The restricting walls of superior officer and subordinate broke down and they were just simply friends again.

"Something more," Roy muttered as he sauntered along. Voicing something that tugged at the edge of his mind, something he had wished but dared not speak for fear of a gun barrel being pressed firmly between his eyes. He then noticed that his lackadaisical sauntering was slowing more and more as he made his way back, at this rate the coffee would be cold before it got to her.

His pace quickened, a smile tugging at the corner of mouth as he looked ahead to the few minutes he would have to just relax and talk with her. To be able to gaze at her openly, and not hiding his appreciation behind mountains of paperwork. Perhaps the coffee wouldn't have cooled so much that she could drink it yet, he'd get to see that cute little way she'd kiss the edge of the cup as though she were going to drink, but never take a sip.

As if the lazy morning and gentle company wasn't wonderful enough, he found the perfect opportunity for blackmail had been neatly tied up in pink lace and a satin yellow ribbon and dropped right into his lap. The icing on his little cake was safely hidden away. Unconsciously he raised his hand and nudged his breast pocket of his uniform coat. The slim lump there nestled safely inside was a very small stack of photos he had taken earlier that day, two or three pieces of hard evidence that could be dangled before FullMetal the next time the kid decided to give him trouble about anything.

So really to say Roy was a good mood was a massive understatement, he was downright ecstatic at how the day had gone so far. The nagging little warning in the back of his mind about the turn of events that afternoon were easily pushed aside. He knew that FullMetal wouldn't let something like this slip by, but what could the little shrimp do? He didn't know where the photos where, he didn't have the negatives, and honestly the day was just too perfect. Nothing could bring him down now.

Nothing.

Not a thing in this would could bring him down - that is until he was trying to carefully balance both cups of coffee in one arm as he reached out to the door handle with his now free hand. His gloved fingers brushed the handle, only to pause just before he could firmly grip the handle.

Slender arms snaked around his middle, pulling him back slightly into a strangely gentle and loving hug. Whoever it was holding him had a slightly smaller stature, Roy could feel them press their forehead against his left shoulder blade and it didn't feel like they were bending down very much to do so.

Despite the normally awkward situation Roy calmly tilted his head back and addressed the stranger "Hmm, excuse me?" He quickly relinquished the door handle and opted to rescue the second cup of coffee before it slipped between his arm and chest.

He finally glanced over his shoulder, catching the sight of long dark hair but nothing more than that. Obviously it was a woman, the hands were delicate, the wrists were tiny, nails neatly done, and if that simply wasn't enough there was the unmistakable feeling of 'something soft' against his back right around the area he could figure was her chest.

Despite the odd sensation of being hugged so intimately from behind by an honest to goodness perfect stranger, Roy couldn't help the slight upward turn at the corner of his mouth. A proper ladies man couldn't let something so perfect slip by, "Is there something I can help you with, Miss?"

"How cold," her voice was barely above a whisper, a pleasant and playful tone despite the accusing words.

Roy remained quiet for a moment while his mind busily jumped from face to face, trying to match the voice and what little he could see of the woman to a face of one of the numerous women he had ever been on a date with. There were many, too many. He went through dates like one goes through water on a hot day, simply because they all had something wrong with them. Not that they could help it, it was nothing they did, mind you. But the one thing they were missing, the only thing lacking, was the simple fact that none of them were Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

His silence, the strange way his shoulders tensed as he racked his brain for any clue as to who this woman was, urged the woman to continue. "I never would have expected that from you. You said you loved me," Her words went from soft and teasing to slightly alarmed.

Had he? Perhaps. Maybe he had said that a couple times to various people but it wasn't anything he honestly meant. It was one of those things that was wrenched out of him by someone he had dated more than oh, four or five times. Usually on that accursed holiday of love, when such a thing was expected from someone you were dating. But if he had said it he knew full well that he was not looking them in the eyes when those words had fallen so arbitrarily from his lips. And in all likelihood they had been something muttered along the lines of '_yeah, yeah, wuvutoo'_

Did that even count as an honest _'I love you'?_

"I'm sorry, I Don't know who-" That was all he could do, he couldn't place her and he had some place to be right now so he was simply going to have to just bite the bullet and deal with this poor little broken heart as quickly as possible.

"What!? What are you saying!?" The mysterious woman cried as she released her grip on his waist and pushed away from him.

"How can you say that to me? I'm – I'm -" She clasped her hands over her face, hiding the reddening cheeks that he could only assume were now stained with tears.

Roy felt a twinge, a pulling at his heart as he watched her cry for a moment. He hated that, when a pretty little thing cried. It was horrible. And she was quite pretty, even if he couldn't see her face yet. Her hair was long, dark with almost a deep green tint to it when the sunlight caught it just right, pulled up into a twist with a clip almost too similar to Riza. He loved that hair style on a woman, especially when their hair was longer and wisps had worked their way free to fall like little tendrils around their face and shoulders.

Yet despite his appreciation for her beauty she was still not familiar to him in the least. Roy had absolutely no clue what so ever as to whom she was or how she knew him.

"I'm your Fiancé! How can you say something so horrible to me!?" She pulled her hands down and stabbed him with the intensity of her tear blurred eyes.

The coffee in his hands jerked violently as a shuddering shudder ran through him from hairline to toes. "Excuse me?" he choked, losing his cool demeanor for just a second.

"FIANCE! You jerk, you proposed to me! How could you pretend you don't know me?" She screeched as she fixed him with a glare that could have dropped a charging bear dead in its tracks.

Strange, despite the crazy accusations and the bitter anger on her tear streaked face she really did look pretty. Those intensely purple eyes, the way her long tendrils of hair curved slightly around her delicate face. But something was amiss, that expression was so eerie. Take away the tears and she looked a little familiar on some creepy level.

Suddenly Roy's heart sank, he was starting to doubt himself, 'did I? No I wouldn't have. But then Hughes and I did get a little plastered the other week. But Hughes would have stopped me if I had…'

"You honestly don't remember me do you?" That look in her eyes was heartbreaking; that hurt and broken emotion that swam there behind her dark lashes. "I can't believe it! I won't believe it!"

Despite how sorry Roy felt for her, and the strange sort of way he wished he could kick himself for hurting her despite having no memory of this woman, he slowly backed up. Strange how he hated to see a woman cry, wanted to comfort her somehow, and yet his feet pulled him back a few steps rather than closer. "I'm so sorry Miss, but perhaps you have me confused with someo…"

"Roy Mustang, I think not! Don't you try to make me sound crazy you cad!" She snarled smacking him one on the shoulder with the flat of hand.

The force of it wasn't hard; not even enough to jostle the coffee he still clutched for dear life. But the little smack forced him back even further, until his back thumped against the side of the building. All too suddenly Roy felt trapped. The cold stone of the wall unrelenting at his back and the cold stare of a pretty and very angry little thing in front of him.

Roy started to open his mouth, started to take control of the situation. He didn't know this woman and while he disliked seeing them cry he simply couldn't allow this to happen. It was not his problem.

"Now look here, Miss, I don't know what is going on here," Roy was cut off by a slender finger pressed against his lips to shush him. He couldn't do anything but raise an eyebrow at her and try not to drop the two cups of coffee he was still clutching.

"I see. This is a game, isn't it? You think your being funny don't you?" The sad look in her violet eyes softened as she spoke, the corner of her soft pink lips curled upward into an almost cat like smirk. "I should teach you a lesson about being evil with the tender heart of a young woman, Mr. Flame Alchemist."

For a second Roy felt his heart flutter at the intensity of the now strongly seductive look she was shooting him. For just a brief moment his thoughts betrayed him, that split second he forgot that he was holding a nice cup of coffee in his one hand and a sweet cappuccino in the other for the one he truly cared about and all he could think was 'eerily beautiful'. But that thought was quickly stamped out like a tiny flame, the physical reminder he clutched in his hand pulled him back before he could fall too far.

Roy tore his gaze from the hypnotic purple eyes that were confusing him so, settling on the still warm cup he held tightly. He had a mission to finish, something far more important to him, that was that. And besides, he doesn't date crazy chicks. They get scary fast.

The confusion seemed to melt away, a slick sort of teasing smile slithered across his face as he spoke, "I'm sorry, you're cute, but I don't remember you and I certainly wouldn't have proposed to anyone even if I was in a drunken stupor. You must be mistaken. Now if you will excuse me, someone is waiting for me."

"Interesting." a split second, a move as quick as the strike of a snake, the woman darted her hand out palm flat against the wall blocking his escape. Roy could even swear he heard the cement bricks groan in protest to her sudden attack against its surface.

It was just so sudden, so violent, that Roy twitched in an almost startled way; some of the coffee spurting out from the opening of the tight lid and splashing to the ground due to his knee-jerk reaction. Yet he continued to smile in the face of this strange woman, almost as though he wasn't the least bit fazed by her movements.

His thoughts for that instant had stilled to utter silence but the quiet was short lived, but then his instincts kicked in and he was plotting the best way to escape this situation or fight his way through it. Either way this was not as innocent as he had originally thought, this woman was not normal, and he was going to have to think quickly to get out of it.

Roy chuckled, "My, aren't you a spicy one. As much as I'd love to play with you I really do need to get back to work." He now hoped he could slip away from her without issue, perhaps if he played along with her.

"Even more interesting." The woman's smile grew into almost a sadistic little sneer.

"I'm interesting, you're interesting. You know I might just want to get to know you a little better. How about a date later?" Roy turned up the charm, but took note that she wasn't flinching at all. Her hand was still firmly in place on the wall near his head and she was still smirking at him evilly. This situation was wrong, terribly wrong, but he didn't exactly want to jump the gun and just fight her. Perhaps she was just hideously strong like Major Armstrong's pretty little sister and she simply had a delusional crush on him?

"There's only one thing I want from you dear Colonel Mustang." She leaned in closer to him, dark lashes lowering, her wicked smile turning more innocent as she inched closer to him.

"COLONEL MUSTANG! DON'T YOU HAVE PAPERWORK TO BE DOING!?"

That familiar demanding and slightly angry voice was like music to his ears, he now had an excuse to get out of this without having to burn anything. Roy glanced up at his Lieutenant that was leaning out of the second story window. Glaring down at the scene unfolding below with stony irritation dripping off her, the sort of thing Roy understood but others would simply think she was being cold and aloof like always.

She was angry with him. Much more than he'd ever seen her get angry towards him in the past.

Roy shot her a pleading sort of look, as he forced a smile and slightly raised one of the coffee cups up in a makeshift wave. The window slammed shut cutting off everything below, and with that horrible sound Roy felt a stab of pain in his chest. He would have a lot of explaining to do in about five minutes.

"Well you heard my lieutenant, I've got a ton of paperwork to do, and as much as I'd love to stay here with you, I must go." Roy slowly turned back to the woman that still wouldn't let him pass, his nose nearly bumping into hers. When had she gotten _that_ close?

"For a flame alchemist you certainly know how to keep cool under pressure dear colonel Mustang. Still, as I said previously. I only want one little thing from you - it will only take a moment. " She smiled beautifully; her purple eyes sparkled mischievously beneath her lowered eyelids.

"And what exactly is this mysterious little thing you want?" The moment it left his mouth Roy felt an uneasy knot form in his gut. That was obviously a mistake, why had he said something so stupid?"

The woman raised her free hand slowly; Roy's attention was more on her face mere inches in front of him and the feel of the wall against the back of his skull as he had slowly leaned back away from her. Out of the corner of his eye he saw she had a bottle in her hand, and he couldn't help but ponder it. Had she always had it? What was it for? Oh she was going to throw it on him, wasn't she. Perhaps she was a date he had spurned and not a scary chick after all.

"All I want is - " She raised the bottle over her head, and quickly dumped cold water on her head.

It was shocking; Roy flinched again as though she had dumped the freezing water on him rather than herself. His veneer of being a cool and calculating Colonel crumbling into confusion as she leaned just close enough that there was nothing but a ghost of a whisper between their lips.

Had she gotten taller?

A bright light flashed from the side, forcing Roy to clamp his eyes shut and shift his head to the side, barely missing the pink lipstick that was just too uncomfortably close. _'__Ugh, a camera flash... I smell a Shrimp.'_

"Vengeance…" That whisper was still of a higher pitch but it was disturbingly not right anymore.

Roy bit his tongue, he heard that family chuckle from behind that bush over there, the same source of the flash. This was obviously something Edward had cooked up. He had to stay calm, nothing was horribly wrong yet, or so he hoped. He wasn't about to give Ed the pleasure of scaring him. But what was the photo for?

The strange woman slumped against Roy, throwing her arms around his neck and hanging off his shoulders as though it took every once of her strength to stand without help. "You know really, after all the things I was told about you I honestly thought you'd pretend to know me. I have to give you credit for the determination you had to spare my feelings and stay loyal to whatever person it is you have in your head. Yes - I can feel it. There's someone you have in mind, you always do. I wonder if that's actually why you go through women like disposable tissues. But what I found truly fascinating is the fear."

The woman leaned back, arms still draped around Roy's shoulders as she stretched like a cat that was warming itself by a fire. She chuckled, a sinister and horribly chilling sound, at the raised eyebrow and wide dark eyes that greeted her. "Your visage is crumbling, were you afraid of me? Honestly... you _were_ afraid. I could tell by the way you smiled, the way you struggled to keep cool, oh and let's not forget the way you tried to appease me by suggesting a date later. Diversion tactics. And so honorable, knowing how your senses screamed warnings about how dangerous I am and yet you refused to fight me off. The people in this building, that woman you love, and now you know FullMetal Pipsqueak is over there and you don't want to bring him into this. So you're restraining yourself. What a well trained dog of the state."

A coffee cup hit the ground, the flimsy plastic lid cracking from the impact and spurting warm liquid across the cement. A look of determination glimmered in Roy's eyes as he raised his now free hand, he wasn't quite sure what he was doing yet, pushing her away or snapping a fire ball at her. Either way, she was an obvious threat, one he had let past his defenses on the stupid belief that it was all a joke or a silly misunderstanding. She was dangerous, a threat not only to himself but Edward, Riza, and the entire staff in the building.

Once again this woman had the inhuman reflexes of a snake as she snatched his hand, lacing fingers between his and slamming him back the short distance into the wall. It felt as though all the air was forced out of his lungs, like someone had just sucker punched him just below his ribs. His gloved hand pinned to the wall by her insanely strong grasp.

It was then Roy realized... Something was missing...

"Oh ho! you just noticed, didn't you? You're not very quick on that one, though, I thought Alchemists had to be really smart." With that Envy smiled wickedly as he leaned in closer, intentionally breathing on Roy's neck, the barest hint that he was in fact going to do what Roy's horrified mind thought he was going to do.

"Humans are so interesting..."

Roy laughed. Envy tilted his head slightly bewildered.

"If you think I'm bothered by your little cross-dressing trick, you're horribly mistaken. I don't care if your a man, and if Full Metal thinks snapping a photo of us is going to be of any leverage he has another thing coming." Roy dropped the other coffee cup, listening to it hit and splash across the ground. "I'm more concerned with you. You've just threatened people I care about."

Envy's lips twisted up over his lips, a feral sort of smile that reached his clear to his eyes and made them sparkle. A split second later Roy's knuckles cracked as his fist connected with Envy's jaw. The force of the blow was strong enough that it cause Envy to release Roy and stumble backwards a few steps.

"I'd never hit a lady," Roy smiled, shaking his hand out and then popping his knuckles, "So thanks for letting me know you're not a lady."

"Colonel!" Riza burst through the door, gun drawn and ready to fire at Envy.

"No! Lieutenant Hawkeye don't shoot Envy!" Alphonse was right on her heels, jumping in between her gun and his sister.

"Al," Riza glanced at him for a split second before she fixed her stare back on Envy. "If what you told me is true you can not trust this thing," she whispered.

"Alphonse! What's going on here!?" Ed ran up to them glancing between Riza and Roy and his little brother.

"But I do trust her. She's not the same Envy. She trusts us and I'm not going to let that trust be abused any longer. Just let her go," Alphonse said.

"Al, it's okay," Envy's voice was soft, strangely comforting. "You don't have to protect me."

"Alphonse what's going on!?" Ed asked again, genuine worry building up in his voice.

"Run, Envy." Al refused to back down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything, I can't explain it, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain it to you but just run."

"No," Envy stated, standing firmly in place.


	7. When Our Sins Come Together

**Author's****Notes: **So about 3/4 of this was written a long time ago and the very last part I just finished writing. So I'm sure the writing style is not consistent in this story, I apologize. This is a short chapter to wrap it all up. More notes at the end, they contain spoilers. Also please keep in mind that this story contains spoilerish things for the first FMA anime series. It also kind of goes AU, I know there are events here that are not possible, mostly because I like for Hughes to be in my FMA fics. But it's a crack fic where everything is happy and all is pretty much right with the world. That's pretty much it.

This story is unbeta'd, just to warn you. I tried to go through and correct things but I'm sure stuff slipped past me.

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CHAPTER 7

**When Our Sins Come Together**

"I'm serious, Envy. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I know your memory is coming back, you're going to remember everything soon and you won't need us anymore." Alphonse glanced over his shoulder at Envy. He expected to see tears in his eyes but he just stood there. Staring at him with this unreadable expression on his face.

"I want to stay, little brother," Envy said.

"I'm not your brother, Envy, neither is Ed. We lied to you. So you have no reason to stay, you have to get out of here! It's not safe for you!" Al was pleading now, trying to make Envy escape while he could.

"A-al, what are you doing?" Ed ground out between clenched teeth. "He's going to flip on us."

"I know," Envy whispered. Both Ed and Al stared at him in confusion. "I think I've known for a little while now, I have these moments when I feel differently about everything. I know that what you said about being you sister was a lie. I don't even think I'm really a girl... I'm not sure I'm even a boy, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not even -" Envy trailed off before he could say 'human' but the boys knew perfectly well what he was about to say.

"But I – I wanted to believe it anyway. I wanted to help you, because you helped me when I was confused and alone. I still don't know what happened, or why I lost my memory but you kinda made me feel like family."

Alphonse turned to Ed and glared at him as if to say 'and look what at the way you treated him'. Ed just wished he could dig a hole and pull the dirt in over himself.

"I'm sorry Al, this prank went too far and I don't want you to get into so much trouble over me," Envy said.

"Prank?" Roy snorted, "That was not a silly prank."

Ed let out an exasperated groan, "It was a prank, colonel. We were trying to get back at you for the photos you have of me in that damn dress by holding photos of you and some random guy over your head."

"You didn't hear what was being said, Full Metal. That was **not **a prank, it was a threat," Roy stated.

Ed glanced between Roy and Riza, the two were on edge. They were both like a string pulled so tightly they'd snap at the sound of a pin dropping. This was far more serious than he had ever intended, what had happened? Had Envy remembered and was hiding it? Was he testing them?

"Envy, what in the world is that _thing_ you are wearing?" a sultry voice called from behind them Envy.

Ed and Al both froze as Envy turned and stared at the tall dark haired woman in a sleek black dress. _Where had she even come from?_ Alphonse glanced at Riza and Roy, they both looked ready for battle. Roy was even posed and ready to start snapping fire at anything that moved. The tension in the air was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

Envy blinked and then looked at the woman's short fat companion, "Gluttony?" the name fell from his lips and then he stared back at the woman, "Lust?" However this name triggered what Ed had told him before about Lust being the cause of all this.

"YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Envy pointed an accusing finger at Lust.

Lust was taken aback for a second; a great feat considering that startling her is a very hard thing to do. She regain her composure and walked toward him, "What _are_ you talking about, Envy! We've been looking everywhere for you! And here you are _mingling_ with the enemy and..." She looked him up and down, "Why in the world are you dressed like that?"

"Girly-girl!" Gluttony accentuated the remark.

Envy took a defensive stance between Lust and the boys, "Stay back you snake!" he hissed at her, yet something made him hesitate. For some reason he couldn't figure out why, he felt like he was on the wrong side. But Alphonse had done the same thing for him just moments ago.

"Brother! What do we do?" Al whispered.

"Back away Al...back slowly away..."

"But what about Envy?"

"I think our tower of cards is about to fall. Don't worry about him..."

"Snake? _**Excuse me!**_ I DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK FOR YOU! But I guess, ugh I can't believe I have to say something like this...we need you, stupid." her usually calm voice cracked as she raised a delicate hand and then slapped the fire out of Envy.

"Stupid, stupid," Gluttony sang.

"OUCH! LUST, THAT HURT! You know I HATE IT when people touch my FACE!" Envy screamed, his voice was normal again. Still extremely feminine, but back to normal. "Bleh." He made a strange horking noise and then spat out a shard of metal. "Ah there it is, couldn't get out the way it came so I guess it just had to work it's way through my brain. Lovely."

"That's disgusting," Lust groaned and looked away, her nose wrinkling like she was smelling something horrible.

Envy then glared at the Elric boys for a moment, then up at Roy and Riza who were looking positively murderous then he settled back on the boys for a good long time before a light breeze blew past him and he caught the movement of light green cotton. He stared down at the dress he was wearing, "Oh admit it, Lust, you're just jealous of how young and beautiful I am!"

Lust rolled her eyes dramatically while Envy was cackled. She glanced back at Roy, "See you around, Flame Alchemist," She said with a wink before she turned away.

"Lust, I can't eat them?" Gluttony tugged on the hem of Lust's dress as they left.

"No, we don't know where they've been," her voice echoed, eerie laughter filling the air as they disappeared around the corner and out of sight.

"Everyone move out, make sure they are no longer on the premises. Use extreme caution, they are armed and dangerous," Riza barked out as soldiers suddenly exited the building and followed her orders.

"They're gone, sir! Where could they have disappeared to so quickly?!" A soldier called back after running to and checking around the direction they had gone.

"Keep looking, they couldn't have gotten far!" Riza still had her gun drawn and ready, but her attention fell to Roy, "Colonel, I don't think it was such a wise idea to just let them go."

"What were we going to do about it, Lieutenant? The boys weren't going to let us make a move on them," Roy seemed to relax despite the situation not really being 'resolved'. He placed a hand on Riza's gun and with little resistance she lowered the weapon. "I think there's some explanations that need to be made, however." He glared at Ed.

"It's your own fault for those stupid photos!" Ed snarled.

"No, it's not, brother," Al stated, his voice seemed to crack and echo in his armor. "It's our fault. We did everything wrong, we could have made such a difference."

"Alphonse, there's nothing you could have done. Showing your enemy mercy is noble, but it can get you killed if you trust them blindly. You did the best you could, you did more than others would have," Riza said as she gently placed a hand on Al's shoulder.

"Thanks, Lieutenant. I'm sorry about, you know, getting in your way. I just couldn't let anything happen to him while he was like that. He didn't really know."

"Oh, he knew," Roy stated.

"Colonel," Riza turned to Roy, "Give them the photos."

"What?" Roy seemed flabbergasted by the very idea.

"I mean it. Give Edward the photos right now. I've had enough of this. People could have gotten seriously hurt over all this nonsense," Riza held out her hand, demanding he turn over the blackmail materials.

"I guess I could throw out the film I have in this if Mustang gets rid of the ones of me," Ed sighed.

"First law of blackmail, make sure the victim even cares about whatever incriminating evidence you have on them. Which by the way. I don't. You have a lot to learn shorty." Roy grinned.

"Colonel," Riza sighed, ignoring the way Ed's face turned a brilliant shade of red as he growled.

"Fine, fine. They're right here in my po-" Roy patted the breast pocket where he kept the photos safely protected. They were not there. "They're gone. Oh, that was good. Bravo, Full Metal. I thought you were just going for blackmail, I didn't know had it in you to use diversion tactics."

"You don't have them?" Ed asked.

"No, I assume your partner in crime does," Roy answered.

"Envy has them," Ed relied, not so much a question as it was a simple statement of the facts.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure he does. That was a brilliant plan, you surprise me, kid," Roy shrugged.

"I didn't plan that. As much as I appreciate the my praises coming out of your smug face." Ed ground out between clenched teeth.

"I think we've learned a valuable lesson today, haven't we Full Metal?" Roy rubbed his chin in a sagely sort of way.

"We learned that Roy Mustang has five seconds to get inside and and get on with his paperwork before I shoot him in the face," Riza stated and visibly bristled.

"Oh, what? No coffee?" Roy tried to pull a puppy-eyed look but it failed miserably under the intense glare Riza was shooting him. "Okay fine."

Roy held the door open, allowing Riza into the building before he followed after her. The door closed behind them leaving the boys standing there in silence. At least for a moment. Roy poked his head back through the door and said "I just was going to say 'out of the frying pan and into the fire, short stuff,"

"COLONEL." Riza barked from inside and Roy quickly disappeared again.

"One of these days I'm going to show him," Ed snarled, clenching his fists at his sides.

"Ed, didn't you learn anything from this?" Al whispered.

The anger melted into defeat instantly at that, Ed sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry Al, I'm really sorry. I should have listened to you from the beginning. It's all my fault. If I had listened to you then none of this would have happened."

"It's okay, brother," Al put his hand on Ed's shoulder, "Let's go."

"Yeah," Ed quietly replied as they walked away, back towards the barracks.

IOIOIOIOIOIOI

Alphonse couldn't sleep. Obviously, since he was a soul trapped in armor, he hadn't known the escape of sleep for so long. He just sat there in the dark, listening to the sound of Ed's breathing and his own thoughts. He knew guilt was weighing on Ed quite a bit, it had taken him a long time tossing and turning, grumbling to himself, before he was finally able to fall asleep. It took a lot for his brother to admit he was wrong, it took even more will power to apologize like that.

Al didn't doubt his brother's sincerity, not one bit. But on some level he wished there was some way they could have apologize to Envy. Not their enemy, but the Envy that had existed for that short amount of time. The envy that was cared about them and was so confused when flickers of the true Envy began taking over again. She didn't deserve any of this, she was innocent.

The air shifted in the room, Alphonse was suddenly aware that the window had been opened. Without lifting his head he simply spoke into the dark silence of the room, "He's really sorry about everything that happened, Envy, we both are. I know we're enemies, and you don't care, but still... sorry."

There was a gentle little fluttering sound on the desk near the window, as though something had hit the surface and was now lightly shifting in the breeze that was invading through opened window. A soft voice whispered, "Forget about it," and then there was nothing.

Alphonse finally looked up at the opened window to find nobody there. He quietly got to his feet, or at least as quietly as he could, and walked over to the desk. There were photos sitting there, tossed across the surface. A fluffy dress, crimson cheeks, and wide horrified golden eyes staring back at him. Al picked up the folded piece of paper and read the quickly scratched out note that had been left.

_Consider this repayment, big brother, for giving me a chance to run. We're even._

It was a clear message that said 'thanks, but don't expect anything else.' At least he had been able to apologize. Somehow it felt like a weight had begun to lift, and things were going to be normal again. It was funny though that Envy still called him little brother. Perhaps, even though they were still enemies. Maybe they had somehow made an impression. At least that's what Al wanted to hope.

**~End**

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End Notes: I do apologize for how long everyone had to wait for the end of this story. It's been a very long time since I've watched the first FMA series so I might have been letting some of Brotherhood muddy my ideas for this fic. I just remember some of the major points I wanted to make was that Alphonse is trusting and hoped he could change Envy, but Envy is not the sort who will change... no matter how you treat him or _what relation you may be to him *hint hint*_. He doesn't care. The main point of this story, though, was humor. This was always meant to be a crack fic. So I hope you guys liked it, and thank you so much for reading it, even if it is really old now LOL.


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